Home and Memories
by toria55
Summary: Jack and Sydney - Sydney visit's with Jacks family and finds out about his childhood
1. Chapter 01

Title: Home and Memories  
  
Author: toria55  
  
Spoilers: Takes place after a A Dark Turn, but even that doesn't really matter.   
  
Disclaimer: Alias and all it's characters are owned by JJ Abrams and ABC. This story is not intended to infringe on the copyrights of the original creators. It is written for entertainment purposes only and is not intended for profit in any way.  
  
Author's note:   
  
This is just my verision of what life may have been like for Jack growing up.  
  
Jack's history at ABC.com says he was born in Canada, but it doesn't say where he was raised. So my story assumes his mother was Canadian, but his father was American and he grew up in Maryland.  
  
Reviews welcome.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The Baltimore Washington International Airport was closed down. No flights were coming or going for the next 24 hours due to a security breach. Sydney Bristow was on her cell phone, as was hundreds of other commuters, trying to find a hotel room. There was none. Jack was making calls to reserve a car. He was able to do so due solely to his CIA connections.   
  
After securing a car he headed over to where Sydney had been standing trying get better reception. Sydney was about to tell him that that the closest hotel room was 50 miles away, when a lady appearing to be in her fifties, approached Jack. She stopped and looked at him.   
  
"Johnny? Johnny, is that you?" Then she rushed forward and threw her arms around his neck. "Oh, Johnny, it's been ages." Holding him at arm length, she said, in a scolding voice, "Where have you been? Why haven't you kept in touch?"  
  
She recognized that look. The one that said he had no real answer. She hugged him again and said, "It doesn't matter. You're here now."  
  
"You look wonderful," she lied. He didn't look wonderful. He looked tired and she could tell he was nervous.  
  
Then she noticed Sydney standing back a few feet. "Sydney? Is that you?"  
  
"How does she know me?" Sydney wondered.  
  
Jack realizes that he is now forced to introduce the two women. "Sydney, this is my cousin, Carolyn. Carolyn, this is my daughter."  
  
"Hello Sydney," she said as she offered her hand. "With those eyes I'd recognize you anywhere. It's so nice to see you again."  
  
"Again?" Sydney thought. "We've met before?".  
  
"So Johnny.... I'm sorry,..., old habits die-hard." she said as she corrected his name, "So Jack..., you're one of the stranded thousands I take it?"  
  
"Yes, we arrived from London. We were suppose to transfer to a plane to LA, but it looks like that wouldn't happen today." Jack confirmed for her.  
  
"Well good, then that gives you plenty of time to come home and visit with Mamma. She talks about you all the time." Carolyn said. Then added, "She'll be so thrilled to see you. Maybe I should call and warn her that I'm bringing company home."  
  
"No," Jack said abruptly.  
  
Jack, why not? Mamma's getting old. She broke ankle not long ago. She had a bad time with pneumonia because of that. There aren't going to be many more chances." She informed him.   
  
"I'm sorry, we can't. Not this time." Was all that he said.  
  
Sydney knew of no reason they couldn't visit, but she remained silent.  
  
"Ok Johnny, but you can call her, you know." Carolyn didn't hide the irritation that she was feeling. "I moved in with her after she broke her ankle. We have the same phone number for the last 50 years and the same address. You can send her a postcard sometime. After all she did for you, a phone call once a year wouldn't hurt."  
  
"I'll call when I get back to LA." He said.   
  
"Promise?" She asked, even though she suspected that he wouldn't call.  
  
"Yes," he answered, only half convincing her.  
  
Carolyn ran one of the boutiques in the airport. "Well then, I need to be going home now. I came in to be sure everything was under control at my shop."  
  
She put her hands on Jacks shoulders and kissed his cheek. "It's good to see you again. We love you, you know."  
  
"Good-bye Carolyn. Tell Aunt Sara I said hello." Jack said.  
  
She looked at him and shaking her head, she said, "No, I won't do that. She would be heartbroken to know you were in town and didn't stop to visit with her."  
  
Then Carolyn turned to Sydney and said, "Good-bye Sydney, take care of your father."  
  
"Good-bye Carolyn. It was nice to meet you." Sydney said with a smile as she offered Carolyn her hand.  
  
Sydney watched Jack as he watched his cousin walk away. She was starting to recognize that look in his eyes. The look that said he wanted to do or say something different, but he didn't know how.   
  
When Carolyn was out of sight he turned to Sydney and told her that their car should be waiting at the curb. The car was right where it was suppose to be. The driver got out and handed Jack the keys. Before entering the highway, that would take them to their hotel, Jack pulled over onto the side of the road.  
  
"You OK?" Sydney asked him.   
  
He was looking out the front window. She could tell he was trying to make a decision.  
  
"Sydney, would you like to meet my Aunt Sara?"  
  
Sydney could not recall meeting any of her relatives. Aunt Sara sounded interesting. She wanted very much to meet her, but she knew that Jack had been though a lot of emotional trauma recently and she didn't want him to subject himself to memories that maybe he couldn't handle. "Dad, I would love to meet her, but only if you want to."   
  
"I'd like you to meet her Sydney." She smiled at him as he made a U-turn and headed south. 


	2. Chapter 02

Sydney knew that Jack grew up in Baltimore, but she did not know that he still had family there. She really didn't know anything about the relatives of either of her parents.   
  
Since Jack made the decision to turn around and visit his aunt he hadn't said a word to Sydney, except that they were only about 15 minutes away.   
  
Finally Sydney spoke. "So Dad, what did Carolyn mean when she said, 'all that that your aunt had done for you?'"  
  
"She helped raise me after my mother died," he answered her.  
  
"How old where you when she died?"  
  
"Twelve."  
  
"That was awfully young."  
  
Ever the realist, Jack pointed out that Sydney was a lot younger when she lost her mother.   
  
"How did she die?" Sydney asked.  
  
"See that building over there?" Jack said. "That was my old high school. They converted it into a satellite branch of the University of Maryland. This whole neighborhood has changed. All these buildings; this all use to be woods or vacant lots when I lived here."   
  
Sydney tried to picture her father as a child. She wondered if he was as serious about things then, as he is today. She also noticed that he just did one of the things he is very good at doing, he completely ignored her question as though it was never even asked.   
  
Jack pulled up and parked at the curb, in front of a old brick house. They were clearly in an old working class neighborhood with brick homes and large porches. He didn't speak as he looked at the house across the street, from where they were parked.   
  
"Is that her house?" Sydney asked. "Dad?" she asked again, when he didn't answer her.  
  
"No," he said turning to look at the house he was parked in front of. "This is their house. Let's go."   
  
As they were getting out of the car Sydney couldn't help but notice how Jack kept focusing on the house across the street.   
  
Carolyn met them on the porch. She had seen the car drive up. She gave them both a hug and said how glad she was that they had changed their mind. "Come on in. Mamma's in the kitchen. She'll be so happy to see you."  
  
As they walked through the front door Jack glanced around the room. Not much had changed. There were some new furniture mixed in with pieces that had been there for as long as he could remember. There were more family pictures on the walls and tables. Sara was known for her family pictures. She always had a camera. There was one thing that hadn't changed; the house still smelled of Sara's homemade cooking.   
  
Carolyn held Jacks hand as she walked them to the kitchen. "Mamma, we have company."   
  
Sara spent most of her day in the kitchen. She was either reading the daily paper, building her jigsaw puzzle or cooking. Today she had been sitting at the table reading the paper and drinking lemonade. She turned when her daughter called her name.  
  
Jack walked over to her chair. He got down on one knee, "Hello, Aunt Sara."   
  
"Johnny? Johnny is that really you?" she said as she focused on his face.   
  
"How are you, Aunt Sara?" he asked her.  
  
They hugged until she pushed him away. She gently slapped his face. In a sweet and loving voice she mocked anger and said, "I'm angry at you. Leaving me for all these years and now you show up and expect me to welcome you into my home?"   
  
She saw an old hurt in his eyes and she quickly hugged him again. "Oh my Johnny, of course you're welcome. I missed you so much. Come sit down," she said as she jester for him to take the chair next to her.   
  
"Mamma," Carolyn said, "he's not alone."  
  
Sara turned to see who else had entered the kitchen. Jack stood up and walked over to Sydney. He took her elbow and walked her over to the table where his aunt was sitting. "Aunt Sara, this is my da...."  
  
"You don't have to tell me who this is," said as she stood up. She hugged Sydney and told her how nice it was to see her again, after so many years. Sara then took Sydney's face in her hands.   
  
Speaking to Jack she said, "She's the mirror image of her mother, except those eyes."  
  
"I know," Jack answered.   
  
"My eyes? What's they mystery about my eyes?" Sydney asked recalling that Carolyn had also made a comment about her eyes.   
  
Sara said that she would get the photo albums and show Sydney what was so special about her eyes. Jack tried to talk her out of it. He really didn't want to flip through pictures and memories. "Aunt Sara, that's not necessary. Sydney your eyes resemble my mother's." He figured if he gave away the mystery there would be no reason to pull out the photo album.   
  
"You have pictures of my Dad, when he was young?" Sydney asked, ignoring Jack's attempt at a protest.  
  
It could be argued that Jack learned his command techniques from his aunt. She was always directing people to do what she wanted to have done. She was also an expert at ignoring protests. She ordered Jack to sit down at the table. Carolyn was to make sandwiches for lunch. Sara was still using a cane, since she broke her ankle, so she directed Sydney to follow her and help bring in the photo albums.   
  
Jack continued to protest the idea. "Jack, you know it's useless. You know Mamma and her pictures. She flips through at least one album a day. Now sit down and relax."  
  
Jack's mind whirled as he thought of all the reasons he didn't want Sydney to look at the pictures. When he realized that her seeing the pictures was inevitable, he started to sit down. He turned when he heard the backdoor open and a familiar voice calling out. The voice may have been dulled by age, but there was no mistaking who it belonged to. He addressed Carolyn. "Carolyn, where's your mother? I've got her prescriptions here."   
  
Carolyn tried to answer. Her mouth opened, but she didn't know what to say.   
  
The visitor turned and saw Jack. "Sorry, didn't realize you had company."  
  
He looked at Jack. Squinted to be sure he was seeing whom he thought it was. "Jonathan?"   
  
Jack could feel his pulse rate increased, but he didn't say a word.   
  
Sara and Sydney had returned to the kitchen as the two men were still staring at each other.   
  
"Don!" Sara said surprised to see her visitor. Although she found the current situation uncomfortable at least she was able to find her voice. "Look who's here for a visit," she said.  
  
"I see," he said.   
  
"Come in Don, have a seat," Sara instructed. "Carolyn's making some lunch. Why don't you join us?"  
  
"No, I just came by to drop off your medicine. One of the prescriptions wasn't ready. I have to go back later this afternoon. I'll call you and Carolyn can come over and get it."  
  
Then he saw Sydney. He looked at Jack and said, "That little girl of your's turned into quite a beauty. She looks like that mother of hers."  
  
"Her mother had a name." Jack said coldly.  
  
"Stop that you two," Sara ordered. "Now Don, you come sit down."  
  
"No, I got to go to the VFW Hall. We're planning a rally against those war protester's this weekend." Then to Jack he said, "Is that what you're in town for, boy? Help those communist protest the war?"  
  
Jack didn't answer. He walked out of the kitchen and into the dining room. He opened up the door of the wooden chest and took out a bottle of scotch. He poured a shot glass full and drank it down quickly. He stood with his eyes closed as he struggled to get his emotions under control. He was pouring a second glass when Sydney came in.   
  
"Dad, are you all right?" she asked. The last time she had seen him this emotionally upset was when he told her that her mother was still alive.   
  
"I'm fine," he answered her.   
  
"Who was that man?" she asked him.  
  
He drank down the second glass of scotch. "My father," he told her. 


	3. Chapter 03

"Dad, that's not going to help." Sydney said, attempting to stop her father from pouring a third shot of scotch.   
  
"She's right, you know." They turned as Jack's father entered the room. "Whatever's bothering you isn't going away by using that stuff."  
  
"When the hell did you start preaching temperance?" Jack asked, not really wanting an answer.   
  
"Haven't touched a drop in almost 15 years." His father told him.   
  
"Good for you." Jack replied as he drank down half the glass.   
  
"Jon, I'm sorry. That protest crack was uncalled for." Don said apologetically.   
  
"Yes, it was. How dare you question my father's patriotism?" Sydney chided him.   
  
"Spunky little thing, isn't she?" Don said to Jack.  
  
"Yea," he answered.   
  
"Guess she's got more than just Laura's looks."   
  
"Yea," he answered again.   
  
Don wanted to say more, but he could tell by the coldness in Jacks voice that he wasn't ready to talk. "Well, I should be going." As he started to walk away, he turned around and said, "Jon, it was good to see you again. You too Sydney."   
  
As his father left the room Jack finished the last have of his drink.   
  
Sara gave her brother a hug as he left the house. She told him that she was sorry things hadn't gone well. He told that he really didn't expect anything different.   
  
After Don left Sara went into the dining room and instructed Jack and Sydney to return to the kitchen as lunch was served. When Jack hesitated she walked over and taking him by the arm she led him back into the kitchen.   
  
"Now sit down and eat, all of you." Sara said as she sat down.   
  
Carolyn tried to lighten up the mood by asking why Jack and Sydney had been to London. They lied and told her that they were on vacation.   
  
"You know, your father's mellowed quite a bit over the years," Sara said, interrupting Sydney's description of a non-existent trip to Buckingham Place.   
  
"I really don't want to talk about him." Jack informed his Aunt.   
  
Sara Bristow Montgomery was never one for holding back her opinions. Against Jack's protests she continued to try and convince him to give his father a chance to make amends for the past.   
  
When he realized that Sara was not going to drop the matter, Jack stood up and said, "That's it, Sydney, we're leaving."  
  
Before Sydney had a chance to react, Sara raised her voice and ordered Jack to sit down.   
  
"I am not a child anymore Aunt Sara, I will not be talked to like one." Jack informed her.   
  
"Then stop acting like one and sit down." Sara barked at him.   
  
Reluctantly, and to Sydney's surprise, Jack sat down as he was instructed.   
  
"I know your father made a lot of mistakes, but at least he tried to fix things with you." Sara pointed out.  
  
"I don't know what he told you, but I haven't talked to him since ...."  
  
"Since you threw him out of your house?" Sara said, interrupting him.  
  
"Yes." Jack answered, callously.   
  
"Dad, why did you do that?" Sydney asked.   
  
"I threw him out because he accused your mother of industrial espionage." He let the irony of that sink in.   
  
"I don't understand." Sydney replied.   
  
Jack was really not in the mood to discuss any of this. As hard as he tried to block out the memory, the argument was as clear today as it was the day that it happened. Reluctantly he continued with the story.   
  
"At the time I was working for Aero-Tech." Sydney knew that Aero-Tech was just a CIA operational cover. "We had been living in California for about 2 years, when he came for a visit. He had only been there for three days before he started to tell lies about your mother. He accused her of going through my briefcase and taking pictures of the documents that were in there. Then he claimed that she had a wireless telephone and she was making calls in the middle of the night to someone with whom she spoke to in Russian. Ridiculous wasn't it?"  
  
Sydney heard the sarcasm and pain in Jack's voice as he continued with the story.   
  
"After he told me about this I asked her for an explanation. Although she was very hurt that, I would mistrust her, she effortlessly offered perfectly reasonable explanations for everything that he thought he saw. The cold war was still in full swing when I married your mother. My father hated her simply because she was Russian. So of course he wouldn't accept her perfectly reasonable explanations. He called her a liar and me a jackass for believing her. I told him to apologize to my wife or leave my house. He said he would never apologize to a communist, for anything. So I told him to get out."   
  
Sydney did see the irony in the story. Jack stopped talking to his father 25 years ago because he discovered the truth about her mother and he tried to tell him.   
  
"So you haven't talked to your father in all this time because he never apologized for calling Mom a spy?" Sydney asked incredulously.  
  
Before Jack had a chance to answer, Sara pointed out that Don did apologize. She claimed that he called about 3 months later and apologized directly to Laura. He then spent the next six months attempting to reach Jack by phone. Not only did Don attempt to contact Jack, but so did Sara and Carolyn. Whenever anyone called Laura informed them that Jack was not available, but that she had given him the messages.   
  
"We stopped calling after you sent that terrible letter, telling us to stop bothering you." Carolyn told him.  
  
Jack turned to his cousin. He looked at her as though he was trying to comprehend what she had just said. He then looked down at his hands. He didn't know what to say.   
  
"Jon," Sara called to him. "Look at me Jon." She waited until he looked up. Even after all these years, she knew how to read him. "You never sent that letter, did you? You never got any of those messages, did you?" 


	4. Chapter 04

Jack looked at his aunt and quietly confirmed for her, "No, I didn't."   
  
"Would you excuse me, please," he said as he got up. This time no one stopped him from leaving the table.   
  
Jack walked out of the house, through the front door. Sydney followed him. She found him standing on the porch, with his gaze once again fixed on the house across the street.   
  
"Dad, why are you so fascinated with that house?" she asked.  
  
"That's where I grew up," he told her.   
  
Sydney looked at the house with a different perspective, "I didn't know."  
  
"I hated that house, Sydney." He told her. "Nothing good ever happened there. Whenever I could I would come over here. The people in this house were happy. They liked each other. Over there, they were just sad and miserable."   
  
He turned and looked at Sydney with a smile, "Except Sean. You would have liked Sean. He knew how to have fun. He made whole rooms light up, just by laughing."  
  
"Who's Sean?" she asked curiously, as she had never heard his name mention before.  
  
"My brother." The smile that had briefly crossed Jack's face disappeared quickly, as he added, "He died along time ago."   
  
"I turned my back on these people, for her, Sydney. She was the one that wanted to move to California. I could have done Project Christmas right here." Then as though he was figuring it out for the first time, he said, "She needed to get me away from here so that she could manipulate me without any interference. God, Sydney, every time I think I know how much of a fool I was, something else surfaces."   
  
"Dad, I'm so sorry." Sydney told him.  
  
"I'm going to take a walk." Jack said as he walked off the porch.   
  
Sydney asked if he wanted company. He said that he didn't. He just wanted sometime alone, to think. He wouldn't be long, he promised her.   
  
When Sydney returned to the house Sara and Carolyn had cleaned up the lunch table.   
  
"Where's Johnny?" Sara asked.   
  
"He said he wanted to take a walk." Sydney told her. Then she added, "I'm sorry for what my mother did to all of you."  
  
"Don't be silly, your not responsible for any of that." Sara told her. "Your mother had an agenda when it came to your father and there was no stopping her."  
  
Sydney knew this was true, but she was surprised to hear Sara say it. "Why do you say that?" she asked.   
  
Sara sat in her favorite chair and motioned for Sydney to join her as she attempted to explain what she meant. "They were both so young when they meet. They only knew each other for a few months before they moved in together. They married a short time after that. That's when we saw signs that something just wasn't right."   
  
"What kind of signs?" Sydney asked.  
  
Sara's first reaction was that she shouldn't be telling these types of stories to Sydney, but Sydney told her that she really needed to know. She felt that if she knew who her father was when he lived here, it would help her better understand who he is today. Sara agreed to tell her what she wanted to know.   
  
"Well, first of all, they didn't invite us to the wedding." As Sara told her this, Sydney could hear the hurt that was still in her voice. "When your father told me about having gotten married, I could tell by how he looked at me that it wasn't his idea to not invite us."  
  
"Let's see, what else?" Sara said as she paused to recall other signs that showed Laura did not want to be a part of the Bristow family. "Oh yes, they spent holidays alone, or if they did come over they only stayed a few hours. When you were a baby, she never let anyone hold you. We tried to throw her a baby shower, but she refused."  
  
"But none of that was as bad as what she did to the relationship between Johnny and Don. Laura never missed an opportunity to start an argument with your grandfather. Usually they argued over politics. The worst part of that was that she always managed to pull Johnny right into the middle. She forced him to take sides. And she always made sure he took her side." Sydney was startled as she heard signs of rage in Sara's voice. "It was as though she deliberately wanted to sever their relationship. Not that there was much of a relationship to start with."   
  
Then Sara said, "I probably shouldn't tell you this, but one time, after they had a really bad argument, I swear to you, I saw her smile as though she was proud of what she had accomplished."   
  
Sydney had no doubt that was exactly what her mother did. She also realized that her father was right, these people loved him. If he stayed in Maryland, for too long, someone was eventually going to force him to open his eyes and realize that there was something not quite legitimate about his wife.  
  
Sydney's attention shifted to Carolyn as she said, "It took a lot for Uncle Don to call that day and apologize to your mother. He was going against all of his principles, but he didn't want to lose complete communication with his son, so he ate his pride and called her. And now it turns out, that all that was for nothing."   
  
"Your father didn't even call and tell us that Laura had died." Sara told her sadly.   
  
"How did you find out?" Sydney asked.  
  
Sara and Carolyn looked at each other. They didn't know if they should tell Sydney. Sydney suspected, by their reaction, that it was probably an official source. "Was it the FBI?" she inquired.   
  
The two women were surprised to hear Sydney ask that question. Yes, it was the FBI. They came about a month after Laura died. They asked all sorts of questions about both her parents. They refused to tell them why they were investigating her death. The family asked to speak to Jack, but they were told that he was not available. When they asked about Sydney's whereabouts they were told that she was being taken care of.   
  
Sydney told them that she knew the FBI investigated her mother's death. She told them that the driver in the other car was reported to have been a postal worker, but in fact he was an undercover FBI agent. The FBI investigated just to be sure the accident was just that, which they concluded it was.   
  
Sydney suspected that neither Sara nor Carolyn completely believed her.   
  
She was right, of course, but they didn't hold it against her as they assumed that was the story Jack had told her. Although they didn't know that Laura had stolen government secrets, they did assume that what Don said he saw was in fact correct. They assumed Laura was stealing industrial secrets.   
  
They told Sydney that they had tried calling Jack, after they found out about Laura's death, but his phone number had been changed and their mail was returned unopened. This visit was their first contact with him in nearly 25 years.  
  
"I guess we shouldn't be too surprised." Sara said, "your father never handled death very well."  
  
There was a time, not long ago, that Sydney would have been shocked to hear this. But the more she gets to know her father, the more she realizes that somewhere under that emotionally detached persona is a man who feels deeply, when it comes to his family.  
  
"Will you tell me how his brother and mother die?" Sydney asked. 


	5. Chapter 05

A/N - This chapter is bit 'boring' as it gives a background on who Jack's family is. Hope I don't lose you for the next chapters! :}  
  
Sara reached over for the photo album. "What has your father told you about them?" she asked Sydney.   
  
"Nothing. I didn't know any of you even existed, until today." Sydney answered remorsefully.   
  
Sara opened the photo album and started to give Sydney a pictorial history of her family.   
  
The first picture she saw was of Donahue Marcus Bristow. It was June, 1938. Donahue had just graduated from high school and the world was on the verge of another world war.   
  
In December, 1939 he made two major changes in his life. He married his high school sweetheart, Rebecca Anne Taylor, and he joined the U.S. Army. He was married wearing his army uniform. His bride wore a simple chiffon dress. She carried white roses. They made a handsome couple.   
  
Their first child, Sean Marcus Bristow, was born on September 1, 1940. He was a beautiful baby, who grew to be a handsome young man. Even in his earliest pictures he was always smiling or laughing.   
  
By the time Pearl Harbor was bombed, in December, 1941, Don Bristow was a Master Sergeant and Rebecca Bristow had her first miscarriage.   
  
In January, 1942 Don was sent overseas. His wife was never informed of his exact location. He was gone for two years. He returned home with a Silver Star and the Purple Heart.   
  
He also returned home to a wife who had developed an obsessive attachment to her child. The women in Don's life told him not to be concerned, as she was only that way because he had been away for so long. They assured him that things would improve now that he was home and they would have more children.   
  
Until this time the only family pictures Sydney had ever seen were a few pictures that she had of herself and her parents. This was the first time she had seen pictures of any of her relatives. Sydney noticed that there was no mistaking that her eyes did resemble her grandmother's. She liked the idea of that ancestral connection.  
  
One of the things that Sydney couldn't help but notice is that something was happening to Rebecca. There was a haze of some sort that was clouding her face. It was as though she was pulling away from her family.   
  
Sara explained to Sydney that Rebecca desperately wanted more children, but she had two additional miscarriages, after her husband returned from the war. After each miscarriage it took her months to recover from the loss, both physically and emotionally. The doctors suggested that she not have anymore children, but Rebecca was determined to have many children.   
  
In August, 1949 she became pregnant again. This pregnancy was not easy for her. She was sick during most of it. The Bristows lived on an army base in Oklahoma and Rebecca hardly ever saw her husband. As a result, she decided to finish off her pregnancy at her grandmother's home, in Ontario, Canada. She promised her husband that she would return to the United States before the child was born.   
  
During the start of her eighth month of pregnancy Rebecca mysteriously fell down a flight of stairs, causing her to go into early labor. Her second and last child, Jonathan Donahue Bristow, was born on March 16, 1950. Rebecca refused to leave Canada until her husband resigned from the Army.   
  
He resigned in July, 1950 and moved back to his old neighborhood in Baltimore, Maryland. He felt that his wife would be happier if she was close to family. He was trilled to find a house across the street from his sister and her husband.   
  
The only job Don could find was a watchman for a local factory. Although he worked for the factory for over 30 years, he never liked the job.   
  
On the surface Rebecca did appear to have regained some of her spark. Her devotion to Sean never stopped, but it was evident that she never had the same affection for her second child.   
  
Sean was her pride and joy. Rebecca had dreams of Sean one day becoming a famous scientist. Unfortunately Sean had no interest in medicine. His goal was to please his father and become an officer in the United States Army.   
  
He felt the best way to do this was to get an appointment to West Point Military Academy. With the help of his father, he succeeded. The fact that he reached his goal did not come as a surprise to anyone as Sean always accomplished what he set out to do.   
  
Everyone was happy with Sean's appointment to West Point. Everyone one except his mother and brother.   
  
There were few smiles in the pictures taken in August, 1958. These were the last pictures taken of Sean and his family, before he left for the Academy. Even Sean's smile was forced.   
  
Although Sean was anxious to start his career, he also felt guilty about leaving his young brother behind. He knew that Johnny needed him, but the Academy was something that Sean needed to do. He assured his brother that there would be many semester breaks. He promised he would return home for all of them and that they would spend all his free time together. Johnny put on brave front and told Sean not to worry about him, that he would be fine.   
  
In June, 1960, after having completed only two years at West Point, 2LT Sean M. Bristow volunteered to work with the special advisory forces that were stationed in Viet Nam. He was allowed a 30 day leave, before shipping out. He returned home for those 30 days. It was the most difficult 30 days of his life.   
  
"I gave Sean a lot of credit for how he handled himself on that leave." Sara told Sydney. "His parents battled for his affection and his mother hovered over him every minute he was awake. Rebecca had a premonition that she would never see Sean again. No one paid any attention to her because,...." Sara looked up at Sydney and gave her a weak little smile, "...well, Rebecca was always having premonitions that something bad was going to happen. We just ignored her."  
  
What Sydney noticed most, about this photo album, was that one member of the family always appeared to be standing off to the side. He rarely smiled, unless he was standing next to Sean. "My Dad was close to Sean, wasn't he?" Sydney commented.   
  
"Your father worshipped Sean," Sara corrected her. "And Sean adored Johnny."  
  
Sara gently ran her fingers over a picture of the two brothers and told Sydney, "Johnny was his only hesitation for leaving. On his last trip home, he asked me to watch out for him. Sean was concerned that he was becoming too withdrawn. He spent most of his time alone in his room, reading and studying. He told Sean that one day he would follow in his footsteps and go to West Point."   
  
"Sean was proud that Johnny wanted to follow in his footsteps, but he also believed that hiding in his room was contributing to his feelings of loneliness and isolation. Sean knew that Johnny's way of dealing with unpleasantness was to simply not acknowledge it."   
  
"That's something that hasn't changed over the years," Sydney thought to herself.   
  
"There was quite a contrast in the two boys," Sydney pointed out. She asked her aunt, "Why was Sean so,...so vibrant and my dad so withdrawn?"   
  
Sara still felt shame for her role in what happened at her brother's house. She wondered if she should tell Sydney anymore than what she has already said. Then she realized that Jack had been gone for quite awhile. She believed that he was staying away so that she could tell Sydney the things that he was never able to tell her himself.   
  
Sara made the decision to go on with her stories, "Back in the fifties it was called one of those dirty-little-family-secrets that no one talked about, outside the family. We really didn't realize things were as bad as they were until it was too late. Unfortunately, your father paid the consequences of all that."   
  
"What was the secret?" Sydney asked and then partially answered on her own, "Was he being abused?"  
  
Sara knew that Sydney was a bright woman so she was not surprised by her question. "No, the abuse was a consequence of the secret."  
  
Sydney also made another observation. Her original belief was that whatever emotional handicap her father suffered was at the hands of his father. She was now starting to realize that she suspected the wrong parent. "It wasn't his father, was it?" Sydney asked.  
  
Sara shook her head to confirm that it was not Don. "No, it was Rebecca." she told her. "There were signs from before Johnny was born, but things were worse, after he was born. At the time we didn't know what it was, but today it would probably be called Manic Depression."  
  
Carolyn could tell that her mother was having a difficult time trying to find the right way to continue with her recount of the family history. She suggested that they take a break and have some tea. While the tea was being brewed Sydney attempted to call her father on his cell phone, but he didn't answer. Jack always answered Sydney's calls. She was a little concerned that he wasn't answering, but she was not going to make an issue of it.   
  
After serving the tea, Carolyn decided that it was time to start dinner. Sydney told her that wasn't necessary as their hotel was an hour drive and they should probably head for it as soon as her father returned.   
  
Sara told her it foolish for them to drive so far away when she had plenty of room right here. Sydney liked the idea of spending the night with her new found family. She said she'd love to stay, but she wasn't sure how her father would react. Sara told her to not worry about that, she would take care of any protest that her father may have. Sydney smiled at Sara's confidence in her ability to control her father.   
  
Carolyn started dinner while Sydney and Sara took the photo albums and went outside. They sat in the rockers, that were on Sara's front porch. Sara was ready to tell Sydney what she needed to know. 


	6. Chapter 06

Sara and Sydney sat in the rocking chairs that were on the front porch and watched as a few cars drove by and a few pedestrians strolled by. Sydney was not use to the peaceful tranquility of this type of neighborhood. After sitting quietly for a few minutes she was ready to hear more. "Tell me about my father. What he was like when he lived here?"  
  
Sara rocked her chair as she thought of the best way to describe her nephew. "Johnny was a good kid. Very smart. He kept to himself most of the time. In spite of how his mother was, he was very protective of her."   
  
"Protective? How?" Sydney asked.  
  
"He never allowed any of the neighborhood kids to say anything bad about her. Whenever she went anywhere, he would go with her, to make sure she kept out of trouble."  
  
"What kind of trouble?" Sydney asked  
  
"Sometimes when she went shopping, she would get into an argument with the clerks or with other customers. He would pull her away, before things got out of hand." Sara paused and then added, "She also had a tendency to forget to pay for things. Johnny would be there to remind her."   
  
What Sara didn't know, about those shopping trips, was that when Rebecca and Jack returned home she would accuse him of having been the one to place the unpaid for items in her bag. She would say that he did it so that she would be arrested and would be locked up. "You want them to lock me up, don't you? DON'T YOU?" she would scream at him. "We'll see who gets locked up," she would say as she locked him in his room for the night. The lockup usually came before dinner. He was sent to school the next day without breakfast. When Sean was around, he always made sure he had a lunch and something to eat on the way to school.  
  
"Why didn't anybody do something to get her help?" Sydney wanted to know.  
  
"Things were different back then," Sara tried to explain. "We didn't understand mental illness. As far as we knew, she was that way just because of her temperament. I don't mean this as an excuse, but we didn't fully understand all that was going on over there."  
  
Sara always wondered if things would have been different if Don had spent more time at home. She continued with her explanation of why no one noticed how Rebecca was deteriorating. "Don, well he worked nights. 50-60 hours a week. He spent a lot his free time down at Parker's Bar, or at the VFW. Rebecca was usually under control when Sean was around. It was only when she was alone with Johnny that things were bad."  
  
Sydney was getting angry with this woman who she never knew. "But why? What did he do to her?"  
  
"Nothing, Sydney," Sara said as she shook her head. "It was just her illness. I think there were signs of trouble starting before she got pregnant, but they got worse after the pregnancy. So she focused all her frustrations on Johnny."   
  
In Rebecca's defense, Sara told her, "She knew what she was doing was wrong. She would tell me that she didn't understand why she lost control. She loved Johnny, but when the feeling hit her, she couldn't control herself. She told me that there were times when she felt like she was standing outside her own body, watching as a madwoman attacked her baby, and there was nothing she could do to stop it."   
  
Sara's heart broke whenever she thought about the pain her sister-in-law and nephew went through. "She really did try and make things right. She would call me sometimes in the middle of the night, crying. She asked me to come over and get him or she would send him over with Sean and he would spend a few days with us."  
  
Sara dabbed her eyes with a tissue that she dug out of her pocket. "Johnny never complained. When I asked him what happened, he would just say that he made her mad."   
  
Sydney didn't need to hear anymore details. She had a pretty clear picture of how things were. The fact that her father never complained, came as no surprise.   
  
"Things couldn't have been all bad," Sydney thought. She asked her aunt, "What did he do to have fun?"  
  
"What did he do to have fun?" Sara repeated as she forced her memory back to a time long ago. How sad, that she could so easily recall what went wrong, but she struggled to recall the pleasant times in her nephew's life.   
  
"He tagged along with Sean, whenever he could. But you have to remember that Sean was almost eleven years older so he couldn't always go with him." Sara also recalled that Sean always set time aside to spend with his young brother. One of their favorite things to do was to go fishing down at the creek, that is a few blocks away. Sara suspected that the creek was probably one of the places that Jack went to on his walk today.   
  
"I use to make my boys take him to play ball, but he had no real interest in sports. He was more of an intellect. While other kids were buying comic books, he would buy puzzle magazines. You know the kind; the ones with logic quizzes, cryptic codes, anagrams. Anything that made you think, to find the answer."   
  
Then Sara smiled as she remembered one of young Jack's passions. "The only time we didn't have to force him to do something, was on Saturday afternoons. That's when the kids all went to the movies."  
  
Sydney also smiled at the thought of her father spending Saturday afternoons watching movies.   
  
"But he only went to science fiction movies," Sara clarified. "He went to anything that involved outer space. That was his dream, you know, to be a space explorer."  
  
"No, I didn't know that." Sydney told her.   
  
"Oh yes, when the space program got started, it just consumed him." She laughed as she remembered Jack sitting at her kitchen table drawing a diagram of a rocket, for her. She pulled an envelope out from the photo album. Inside was a drawing of a Saturn V that Jack had made, so many years before. "He drew this for me one afternoon. He was trying to explain to me how a rocket worked. He tried so hard to get me to understand, but that was just too much for me to comprehend."   
  
Sydney took the picture and studied it. It was clear that it was drawn by a young teen. But it was the details of the drawing that amazed her. The rocket was open and he labeled the fuel lines, the pumps, the gauges, and the sensors.  
  
Sara became quiet as Sydney continued to examine the drawing. She quickly noticed the mood change that came over Sara. "What are you thinking about?" she asked with concern.   
  
"You know your father was accepted into West Point," Sara stated.   
  
"No, I didn't know that, either." Sydney replied.   
  
Looking at nothing and in deep thought, Sara continued, "His plan was to use West Point as his stepping stone into the space program. He worked so hard for that appointment. Then a few weeks after he was accepted, he announced that he was turning it down. He never told us why he turned down the appointment."  
  
Now it was Sydney's turn to become quiet. She had seen her father's CIA profile. She knew that he was recruited when he was only seventeen. She also knew that the CIA monitored the applicants to the major military academies. By the sheer action of applying to a military academy, these boys were announcing their intent to service their country.   
  
If an applicant scored high in certain fields, the CIA would approach them with an offer to service their country, in a very unique and extraordinary way. Sydney was sure her father scored high in the fields that the CIA would be interested in, that being logic thinking, cryptology and linguistics.   
  
That was exactly what happened to Jonathan Donahue Bristow in the summer of 1967. He was a year ahead in school so he graduated from high school in the summer of '67. He was to begin his military career that fall, but that never happened.   
  
Unbeknowst to him, Jack was accepting an offer that would change the course of his life in a way that he never imagined. After accepting the appointment to West Point he was approached by the CIA. They told him that by accepting a position with them, he would service his country in a way that few men were asked to. They also enticed the seventeen-year-old with stories of world travel and high adventure. What seventeen-year-old could turndown a James Bond lifestyle?   
  
The moment he accepted their offer, his life changed forever. His first assignment was to turn down the West Point appointment without telling anyone why he was it turning down. He was instructed to enroll in the University of Maryland. He was to tell everyone that he had received a scholarship to pay for his tuition. They told him what classes to take.   
  
"He really hurt Don, when he turned the appointment down and offered no explanation on why he did it," Sara told Sydney.  
  
  
  
Sydney could tell that Sara knew there was more to the story then what she was aware of. Sara had shared so much with her that she felt guilty that she could not tell her that her father had an honorable reason for turning the appointment down.   
  
"So you have no idea why he did that?" Sydney asked. She was curious to know what Sara had come to believe.   
  
"No. Except, I guess he got caught up in the turmoil of the times. So much was going on back then. You had the civil rights movement, the war, hippies, drugs, sex. People were burning everything that the prior generation held sacred; flags, draft cards, bras. You name it and it was being burned or protested." Sara turned and looked at Sydney. She told her, "That's what was so odd about the whole thing, your father was never really a part of all that. Or so we thought, until the day he was arrested."  
  
"Arrested?" Sydney asked. "Arrested for what?"  
  
Sara reached back into the envelope that she had gotten the rocket drawing out of. This time she pulled out a newspaper article. The headline read: Dead War Hero's Brother Arrested for War Protest. 


	7. Chapter 07

A/N - Operation Chaos was a real operation of the CIA.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
While Sydney was reading the newspaper article, Don arrived home from his meeting. Sara called to him and asked him to come over. His first instinct was to not go. He'd seen his son for the first time in twenty five years and it was a disaster. Why would he walk back into another argument? Sara could see her brother's hesitation, but she insisted that he come over. He had the rest of her medication with him so he decided he would just give it to her and leave.   
  
His gait was slow as he walked across the street, and climbed the porch steps. He was wearing a VFW baseball cap which he tipped the brim of as he said hello to Sydney. Sydney smiled as she responded with a hello. She studied Don as he talked to Sara. He was tall, but not as tall her father. His shoulders were sagged in, but she could tell that at one time they were probably as broad and strong as her father's. However, it was his hands that grabbed her attention. Although they were covered with wrinkles and liver spots they had the same appearance as her father's. They were large, long, powerful and but at the same time there was a gentleness to them.   
  
While Don was talking to Sara, about her prescription and the meeting he had just come from, he could tell that Sydney was studying him. Out of the corner of his eye he tried to observe her as well. It was clear that they wanted to talk to each other, but Sydney was afraid that talking to this man could possibly be a betrayal to her father and Don was concerned that Jack would tell him he had no right to associate with his daughter.   
  
"Well, I guess I should be going," he said. Tipping the brim of his cap again he looked at Sydney and said good-bye.   
  
Sara was not about to let this visit end with the two of them just saying hello and good-bye to each other. "I was just showing Sydney some pictures," she said in an effort to prevent him from leaving.   
  
"I see that. Has Jon been looking at those too?" Don asked, as he was curious to know where his son was.   
  
"No. He's not here." Sara informed him. "He left right after you did. We haven't heard from his since."  
  
"Oh, I see." he responded as he turned and looked down the street.   
  
"Yes, I figure he'll end up there eventually," Sara said, as she noticed Don looking down the street.   
  
"End up where?" Sydney asked.  
  
Sara sighed as she told Sydney, "Down at Parker's Bar. That's where all the men in the neighborhood end up when they can't handle the truth about their life."   
  
Sydney consider if she should try calling her father again, but her thought was interrupted by Carolyn. She wanted to know where the flowered bowl was for the salad. Sara could easily have told her that it was in the cupboard to the left of the sink, but she decided to leave Don and Sydney alone for a few minutes. She indicated that she wasn't sure where she had put it. She asked to be excused for a minute while she went to look for the bowl. "You stay here and keep Sydney company for a minute," she instructed Don, as she got up and went into the house.   
  
Once Sara disappeared into the house, Don once again attempted to excuse himself. As he started to walk away, Sydney called to him, "Grandfather...."   
  
Don turned and gave her a startled looked. Grandfather was a term he never expected to hear.   
  
Sydney was also surprised that the word came out of her mouth. She actually liked the sound of it. "You don't mind if I call you that, do you?" She asked.   
  
"No, not at all. I'm not sure how your father would feel about it though."   
  
"Don't worry about Dad. I think seeing everyone just kind of overwhelmed him this afternoon. I'd like to talk to you, if you don't mind," she said giving her grandfather the invitationn he needed to sit and talk to her.   
  
Don sat down in the chair that Sara had vacated. He picked up the photo album and started to looked through it. "I see Sara has been boring you with these old pictures."   
  
"She hasn't been boring me. She's been very.... Sydney tried to think of the right adjective. She settled on, "informative."   
  
Don stopped at a picture of his wife. "You know you have eyes just like your grandmother's."  
  
As this was the third time today, that she has been told this, Sydney smiled and with a little laugh she said, "So I've been told."  
  
Then noticing the newspaper article that Sydney was reading, he said, "That was another one of those things I didn't handle very well."  
  
By the few facts in the newspaper article Sydney concluded that her father was part of what turned out to be an illegal CIA operation. It had a variety of names, but in the end it became known as Operation Chaos. The CIA defended the program as being a domestic security operation. The fact that they obtained their security information through illegal means, was not an issue for them.  
  
Jack's job was to monitor select student groups. He was to gather as much information as he could, regarding their mission, as well as the private lives of their members. How he obtained the information was not important to his CIA handler.  
  
Clayton Stewart was making a name for himself, in the CIA. He knew that the young recruit, recently assigned to him, had the potential to make his reputation flourish even more than it already had. As a result, whenever Jack made noise about how many invasion of the privacy laws he was breaking, Stewart would throw the patriot card at him.   
  
He learned during their initial meetings how important the memory of Sean Bristow was to Jack Bristow. He used this memory as a means of manipulating Jack. He pointed out that these radical student groups, that he was infiltrating, were anti-American. Their sole reason for existing was to bring down the government of the United States of America. "Our fight is on the home front," he would tell him. "You chose to stay here, rather than go to Viet Nam, not because you're a draft dodger, like they are, but because you knew someone had to keep the Red threat of Communism out of this country and off college campus'."   
  
"Don't let your brother's death be for nothing," he would tell him as he wrapped his arm around Jack's shoulder. "We're doing this for Sean and all those other men who died. We're doing this for the ones that are over there dying everyday while these long haired, drugged out, freaks call Sean and his men baby killers."  
  
Jack had already had enough guilt, to deal with, regarding how he treated his brother's memory. In 1968 the look on his fathers face, when he told him he wasn't going to West Point, still burned bright in his memory.   
  
Not only did he have to deal with his sense of betrayal to his family, he also knew the neighborhood was gossiping about him. They were calling him a coward and not always behind his back. They talked about how he would never live up to Sean's reputation.   
  
In 1968 Jack was still young and naive. He trusted Clayton Stewart. He believed everything he told him. He made a commitment to himself and Clayton that even though no one would ever know how much he was willing to sacrifice, for Sean's memory, he was going to be a loyal patriot and service his country, as he was instructed.   
  
During Jack's CIA carrier their would be three major betrayals. Clayton Stewart would be the first. Arvin Sloan and Irina Derevko would be the other two. All of these people would play a role in forging how Jack would live is life. 


	8. Chapter 08

"What didn't you handle, 'very well'?" Sydney asked her grandfather, as her mind returned to the present and the comment her grandfather had just made.  
  
"His getting arrested and the publicity that came with it. I suppose if it wasn't for Sean the arrest would have been just another student protest, but because of Sean it made it more sensational."  
  
"What were the charges?" Sydney asked.  
  
"Let's see," Don said remembering back thirty-five years. "If I remember right, there was breaking and entering, unlawful trespassing, malicious destruction of private property and, conspiracy to overthrow the government." He looked over at Sydney and said, "I think that covers it."  
  
Sydney's eyes grew a bit at the list of charges. "Wow! What happened?"  
  
Don gave a sarcastic laugh. "You don't really think he'd tell me, do you?"   
  
Then he became serious and told her, "I don't know the details, but he belonged to this group that called themselves The Student Libertarian Movement. There was a big anti-war protest downtown. It was November of 68. Jon and some of the other protesters broke into a government office while the protest march was going on. They broke up some furniture and destroyed some documents."  
  
"Apparently the police had gotten wind that there might be a problem like that. It was almost as though they were laying in wait for them. Jon and the leader of the group were caught and thrown in jail. I didn't hear about the arrest until three days later when that reporter came to try and interview me."   
  
"I went down to the jail and bailed him out. He was suspended from the University for the rest of the semester. Part of his bail agreement required that he come back and stay here, until his trial."   
  
Don paused as he thought about those days so many years ago. It was his chance to make things right with his son, but that's not how things turned out. He continued with his story. "I brought him home and he went right back to his old ways. He locked himself in his room and would only come out to talk to his lawyer or to use the phone. I don't know who he was trying to call, but he would be awfully upset because whoever he was calling was not taking his call."   
  
Don may not have known who he was calling, but Sydney had a pretty good idea that it was is CIA handler. She also, rightly assumed, that the CIA was distancing themselves from him. The minute he was arrested, he was on his own. It's just that he was too inexperienced to know this, but he was about to find out.   
  
What Sydney didn't know was that it was information that Jack had supplied to his CIA handler that alerted the police to the break-in. The CIA was after Ken Brady, the leader of the SLM. Breaking into a government office was the best way of getting him off the college campus. The fact that Jack got caught was not their concern. Sometimes you have to sacrifice your pawn to protect the king.   
  
"When I asked him who he was trying to call," Don continued, "he told me it was none of my business." At this point Don stood up and started to pace the porch.   
  
"I guess, I just should have left him alone like he asked, but I felt a responsibility to straighten him out. I kept demanding that he tell me why he got involved with that group. Then I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life." Don looked down at the ground and shaking his head he told Sydney, "I brought Sean into the argument."   
  
Don stopped his pacing and leaned against the porch rail. "I told him he was disgracing his brother's memory by associating with the SLM. I told him that Sean would be ashamed of him for making such a mess out of his life."  
  
"There were only two occasions that I have ever seen your father truly angry. Once was when I said something about your mother and the other was when I accused him of betraying his brothers memory."  
  
"I'll never forget the look he gave me. His eyes became so dark." It gave Don a chill to remember that conversation and what happened next.   
  
"Sean! Sean!" Jack screamed at his father. "That's all anyone around here ever cared about. Well I'm sorry he was the one who died and not me, but there's not a whole hell of a lot I can do about that, is there? And don't think Sean died for any worthy cause, because he didn't. We have no business over there. It's not our fight. Sean did died for nothing."  
  
"When he said that, I don't know what happened, but I slapped him. I slapped him so hard that he fell to the ground." Don looked at Sydney with tears in his eyes, "Sydney I swear to you, I never raised an angry hand to either of my boys, before that day."   
  
Sydney gave her grandfather a sympathetic smile. She got up and walked over to him. She laid her hand on his back and said, "It's Ok, grandfather. What happened after that?"   
  
"I tried to apologize to him, but...." Don shook his head in frustration, "I never could talk to that boy. After his mother died I did try, but he would never open up. You never knew what he was thinking. He never...."   
  
Sounding like a man who was defeated, he said, "Never mind, I guess I tried too little too late. If I was there for him when he was younger, things may have been different. I wasn't a very good father. I guess you figured that out already." He smiled at Sydney and said, "It's nice to see that Jon is a better father than I was."  
  
Sydney smiled back and said, "Well, we've had our issues." Then she asked him what became of the police charges.   
  
"The next day he called his attorney and said he wanted to make a plea bargain. He spent three months in jail. He had to pay a $1000 fine and he was placed on probation until he completed 500 hours of community service."   
  
Don became quiet as he thought about those days, so long ago. "He changed after that," he told Sydney.   
  
"How do you mean?" she asked.   
  
"It's hard to say, exactly." He tried to search for the right words to describe the change he saw in his son. "There was a hardness that came over him. It was as though he was suspicious of everyone he encountered. He didn't trust anyone."   
  
Don looked at Sydney and smiled. "He didn't trust anyone, except your mother. I know I had my issues with her, but she did make him happy. There was no doubt about that."   
  
Sydney got up and walked away from her grandfather. He thought that the sadness in her eyes was from the loss that she and her father suffered, due to her mother's death. He was wrong of course. The sadness that she was feeling was because she was beginning to realize why her mother's betrayal effected her father so deeply.  
  
Although Don may have been wrong about Sydney's reaction to his comments regarding her mother, he was right in his observation that Jack had changed after his arrest.   
  
Jack felt betrayed by the CIA and by Clayton Stewart. He was angry at them for having abandoned him. After he went to jail, he never again attempted to contact them. It was two months after his release that he received a message to come the headquarters in Langley, Virginia. He considered not going, but decided he would go so that he could tell them what he thought of them and their policies.   
  
When he arrived at Headquarters he was placed in a conference room. A half hour later Ben Devlin and Mark Tucker entered the room. They told Jack that they were impressed with how he handled himself over the last six months. Jack told them that their opinion's meant nothing to him and that he no longer wanted anything to do with their organization.   
  
They kept him in conference room for the next four hours, in order to convince him that he was a valuable asset to them and that he needed them as well. They promised him that if he continued to work for them, they would have his arrest record expunged. They suggested that rather than do field work he could do some analysis work for them, until he felt comfortable with going out into the field.   
  
Jack was never sure why he agreed to that deal. He believed it was because of Ben Devlin. Their was something about him that he felt he could trust. He agreed to stay on as long as he never again had to work with Clayton Stewart. Devlin assured him that he would never again have to deal with Stewart. He told him that when he felt ready to return to the field that they would be assign a new handler. One that he would be comfortable working with, he promised him.   
  
Three months after doing analysis work, Jack became bored. He got word to Devlin that he was ready to get back into the field.   
  
Devlin told him he had the perfect handler for him and that the handler would contact him within the week.  
  
It was a Wednesday night, three days later, that Jack received the call. He was in his dorm room studying for a physics exam when he was told that he had a phone call. "Yes," he said as he answered the phone.  
  
"Meet me in the history section of the library at one o'clock tomorrow," the caller said as he hung up the phone.   
  
As Jack was sitting in the library waiting to meet his new handler, he wondered if he was making a mistake. Before he had a chance for anymore second thoughts a man who appeared to be about 10 years older then him, sat across from him.   
  
"Jack Bristow." It wasn't a question, he knew who he was. Then holding out his hand, he said, "My name is Arvin Sloan."   
  
Sydney learned a lot about her father this afternoon. There were one thing that everyone appeared to be avoiding. They hadn't yet told her how two of the most important people in her fathers life died.   
  
"Would you tell me how Sean died?" She asked her grandfather. 


	9. Chapter 09

"The jeep he was driving in hit a landmine and killed everyone that was in it." He looked over at Sydney and with a half smile he said, "Not a very glamorous way to die, was it?"  
  
Sydney shook her head to acknowledge that it was not.   
  
"The newspaper said he was a Congressional Medal of Honor winner," she pointed out.  
  
"That he was," Don confirmed for her.  
  
"Would you mind telling how he won it?" Sydney asked hesitantly.  
  
Don stood up off the porch railing, that he had been leaning against. He sat back down on the rocker. Sydney could tell that this was difficult. She told her grandfather that he didn't have to tell her. He insisted that he wanted to.   
  
He rocked his chair a few time before starting his story. He remembered back years ago when he would be at the bar and someone would ask about Sean. He would spend hours reveling in the glorious details of how Sean won the Medal. The more he talked, the more beer he was given.   
  
While rocking in the chair and staring at the ground he started the story that no longer held any glory. "He won it one night when his camp came under sniper attack. The artillery tent caught fire. Sean ran out of his foxhole and pulled the canvas down before the artillery ignited. If that had happened, then whole camp would have been destroyed."  
  
Don paused as he tried to recall the exact wording on the letter of recommendation that was written by his commanding officer. "According to General Roush, he was awarded the Medal,.....let's see how did it read,....being fully aware of the danger of the situation, Lt. Bristow, unhesitatingly and with complete disregard for his own safety, ran out of the security of his foxhole and prevented the artillery tent from igniting. His gallant action and his total disregard for his own personal well being directly saved his troops from certain serious injury or death. This action also distracted the snipers long enough so that the troops could advance and terminate their activity."   
  
Don leaned his chair back and told Sydney, "When he pulled the tent down, he suffered second and third degree burns over 70% of his body. He had been in the hospital for a month, being stabilized. His hands were severely injured so they were sending him home. That was the ironic thing about the jeep accident, he was being taken to a ship that was going to transport him home."  
  
Sydney tried to visualize the activity in the camp that night. Visualize her uncle risking his life to save his men. While doing so she also realized that Sean was a hero to his parents and brother, long before the government awarded him a Medal. "You must have been awfully proud of him," Sydney remarked.  
  
Don shook his head in confirmation. "I was. I use to think that I was someone special because of what he did. That was part of the reason I was so upset with your father for not going into the Army. He was suppose to go over there and avenge Sean's death for me. Then I would have had two sons to brag about, to the boys at the bar."   
  
"But instead of joining the Army, Dad joined the SLM and then married a communist."  
  
"I'm sorry Sydney," Don said apologetically. "I shouldn't have called your mother that. Your father really cared for her and that should have been good enough for me. Unfortunately, it took loosing him to realize that."  
  
Sydney got off the railing she had been leaning against. She paced the porch as she ran dates and ages through her head. "So Sean died in 1962, Dad would have been 12 then. He told me he was 12 when his mother died. Who died first?"  
  
"Sean did," Don confirmed for her. "But in a way, they died on the same day." 


	10. Chapter 10

Don thought back to the day that everything started to come to an end.  
  
It was September 12, 1962. The leaves on the trees were just starting to change from green to bright red and orange. The nights were getting chilly, but there was still plenty of sun during the day. Jack looked out his upstairs bedroom window when he heard a car pull into the driveway. He saw two men in Army uniforms getting out of the car. He wondered why the Army would come to his house.   
  
Rebecca answered the door. Jack heard a piercing scream that he has never forgotten. He heard the male voices trying to calm his mother. "Is there anyone we can call for you, Mrs. Bristow? Where is your husband?" they ask her. "Can we call your doctor?"   
  
Then Jack heard his mother scream for Sean. Scream that he can't be dead. He heard her call the soldiers' murders for taking her son from her. Jack stayed in his room and covering his ears with his pillow. If he didn't hear the screams, then none of it would be true.  
  
Sara had seen the soldiers drive up. She called Parker's Bar and told Don to get home immediately. The bar was only a few blocks away. He ran all the way. He entered his home as his wife was smashing a lamp on the ground and two men where trying to keep her from hurting herself.   
  
"Mr. Bristow, do you have a doctor you can call?" They found a doctor that would come over and give her a sedative. The doctor insisted that she be admitted to the psychiatric ward of the hospital. Rebecca pleaded with her husband not to lock her up. Don said that he would take care of his wife.   
  
Rebecca slept for the next two days. She didn't leave her room for eight days. Her first day out was to go to Sean's funeral. He received a hero's burial in Arlington National Cemetery. Rebecca never shed a tear, on the day they buried her eldest son. She was gracious to all those that offered her their condolences. She thanked all her family and friends for coming to say good-bye to Sean. She assured them that Sean would have been humbled by all their kind words.   
  
During those eight days, before Sean was buried, Jack's absence was hardly noticed. Sara came over every day to help take care of Rebecca. She would try to talk to him, but he had nothing to say. She would make him sandwiches, but he hardly ate.   
  
The only time he came out of his room was when he knew everyone was asleep. He would go into Sean's room and lay on his bed. He would stare at the ceiling and try and imagine what life will be like without him.   
  
After spending time in Sean's room he would sneak into his mother's room. He would hide in her closet and watch her sleep. All he wanted to do was climb into bed with her and tell her that he understood the pain she was feeling. He wanted so desperately for her to hold him and tell him that everything would be ok. That she still had him and that was all that mattered.   
  
On the morning that Sean was being buried Don came into Jack's room. "What the hell are you doing? Why aren't you dressed?" he yelled at his son who was lying on his bed.   
  
"I'm not going," he told his father.   
  
"Damn it, Jon, get your ass off that bed and get dressed now," Don said as he grabbed his son by the arm and yanked him off the bed. He then turned and walked to the closet to get his suit. "I've got enough problems dealing with your mother, I don't need your bullshit, too." When he turned back his son was gone.   
  
Don looked out the bedroom window and saw Jack running down the street. He decided to let him go. He was not about to run around the neighborhood looking for him. If he didn't want to go then that was fine with him. It was one less person he would have to worry about.   
  
"I thought he was being a selfish little bastard for not going to the funeral. I never thought about the pain he was going though," Don told Sydney.  
  
When Jack ran out of the house on that day, he ran to the creek where he had spent so many hours fishing and talking with Sean. He stayed at the creek until long after the sun had set. He wanted his father to come find him and take him home.   
  
He went home when Sara sent Alec, her eldest son, to get him and bring him home. "It's all over Johnny, you can go home now," Alec told him. Alec tried to wrap his arm around his cousin's shoulder, as they walked home, but Jack shrugged him off.   
  
When he arrived home the last of the mourners where leaving. They told him that they were counting on him to take care of his parents because they had suffered a great loss.  
  
As he walked past them, Jack mumbled something to the effect that he would do that. At least that's what they mistakenly thought he had said.   
  
Jack headed straight for his room and for bed. He got up the next morning and returned to school. He would no longer dwell on what he had lost. 


	11. Chapter 11

After hearing about Sean's death and funeral Sydney imagined how alone her father must have felt. She was surprised that her first reaction was that of anger. How could her father have subjected her to the same kind of loneliness that he grew up with?   
  
Before she had a chance to think about it any further, Sara appeared at the door and announced that dinner was almost ready. She asked Sydney if she would call her father and ask when he would return.   
  
Sydney dialed his number and after three rings his voice mail came on. She hung up and dialed the number two more times before he finally answered the phone.   
  
"Yes," he said as he answered the phone.  
  
"Where are you?" Sydney asked.   
  
"What do you want, Sydney?" was his reply.  
  
She repeated her original question, "Where are you?"   
  
Ignoring her question again, Jack asked her, "Are you having a nice visit?"   
  
"Yes," she replied, with a tone of impatiences.   
  
"Do you like them?" Jack asked.  
  
"Yes, Dad. Aunt Sara and Carolyn are absolutely wonderful." Then just to provoke a reaction out of him, she added, "And I just finished having a lovely conversation with Grandfather."   
  
She wasn't really surprised when his reaction was to not react at all. When she realized he wasn't going to say anything she informed him that she was calling to let him know that they were holding dinner for his return. "When will you be back?" she asked.   
  
"I'm not hungry. Start with out me," he told her.  
  
Sydney lowered her voice and said, "Damn it Dad, are you drinking?"  
  
"I'll be there in a little while and we can leave," he said as he hung up the phone.   
  
Sydney hung up her phone and told her aunt and grandfather what they already knew; her father would not be having dinner with them.   
  
"Well, don't worry about it," Sara said. "We'll keep a plate warm for him. Come along you two," she said to Sydney and Don.   
  
"No, I should go," Don said. He still felt as though he was intruding on this visit.   
  
"Please don't go." Sydney said to him, with a smile. "I'd like you to stay."  
  
Don smiled back at her, "I knew from the first time I ever laid eyes on you that it would be impossible to ever say no, to you."   
  
He got up and offered Sydney his arm. She took it and allowed him to escort her to the dining room.   
  
Sydney enjoyed every minute of the dinner. Not just the food, but the company as well. She'd always been a guest at someone else's family dinner. Today she was having dinner with her very own family. It was something she had always fantasized about. She never imagined that the fantasy could ever come true.  
  
After dinner Sara suggested they go to the living room and relax. She would make coffee and bring the desert out. Don said he would have to pass on the desert as he had something he had to do.   
  
It was obvious to the three women that he planned on going to get his son.   
  
"Grandfather, maybe I should go," Sydney suggested. She wasn't sure what type of mood her father would be in, especially if he'd been drinking.   
  
"I'll be OK, Sydney. This is something I need to do," he told her.   
  
"Dad has a tendency to bully people, don't let him scare you away." Sydney told her grandfather as she gave him a hug.   
  
"I'll be back in a little while," he said as he hugged her back.   
  
"You tell him that if he doesn't come back with you," Sara said, "I'll come and get him myself."  
  
"I'll do that," Don said with a chuckle as he left the house. 


	12. Chapter 12

Parker's Bar has been servicing the neighborhood men for sixty years. In in his younger days Don would walk the 3 1/2 blocks there. These days he drove to most of the places he went, including Parker's.   
  
The first thing he noticed, as he entered, was how well business was for a Wednesday night. He walked up to the bar and ordered an O'Doul's. Since giving up alcohol the faux beer gave him the taste that he still enjoyed, but without the after effects.   
  
"Mr. B," Kevin Parker said as he greeted Don with a firm handshake. Kevin has been running the bar ever since his father passed on, ten years ago.   
  
"Business is good tonight," Don observed to him.   
  
"Can't complain," he answered as they exchanged a few other customary greetings.   
  
"Another double for the guy in the corner," the waitress said, interrupting them.   
  
Kevin fixed the drink and handed it to the waitress. When she walked away Kevin leaned on the bar counter and said to Don, "Hey listen, there's this guy sitting in the corner booth, over there," he said, gesturing to his left. "A few of us were talking and we were wondering..., is that your son, Johnny?"  
  
Don turned for the first time to see where his son was sitting. "Yea, that's him, but I think he prefers to be called Jack, these days."  
  
"Well I'll be damned. How long has it been since he's been back here?"  
  
"A few years," Don answered. He really didn't want to get too personal with the barkeeper and tell him that he hadn't spoken to his son in over twenty-five years.  
  
"I was going to say something to him, but when you've been doing this as long as I have, you get to know who wants to talk and who wants to be left alone." Then Kevin asked, "You here to take him home?"  
  
"Does he need to go home?" Don asked.  
  
"No, he's fine," Kevin assured him. "I was thinking about cutting him off, but we saw that he walked here and he isn't bothering anyone. If a guy wants to get drunk who am I to say no?"  
  
As Kevin was called to fill more drink orders, Don picked up his beer and headed for Jack's table. He sat down without asking to be invited. Jack had been staring at a knot in the tabletop. He was trying very hard to think about CIA business and not his past.   
  
When he saw his father's beer, he said to him, "I thought you said you didn't drink anymore."   
  
"This is an O'Doul's. Same beer taste, but without the hangover." Then he added, "by the looks of you, boy, your going to have quite a hangover in the morning."   
  
"For god sakes, I'm 53 years old. I think it's time to stop calling me a boy. Or don't you think I'm manly enough for you?"  
  
Don shook his head. "Why do always assume...."   
  
Before he had a chance to say anything more, two men walked up to the table to say hello. Even though they were clearly in their 60's they still addressed Don as Mr. Bristow. "You remember us? Paul Faust and Sammy Acker."  
  
"Well of course I do," Don said as he offered the two men a handshake. "The two of you and Sean were like the Three Musketeers."  
  
"Yea, we sure were, and then there was Johnny always trying to be D'Artagnan." Paul offered his hand to Jack and said, "How you doing, Johnny."   
  
Jack's reply to him was, "The name's Jack."   
  
Paul quickly pulled his hand back and said, "Good to see you again, Jack."  
  
Jack's reply was to take another drink of his scotch.   
  
"So how've you been?" Don asked in an attempt to glaze over Jack's rudeness.  
  
Paul and Sammy gave an update on the status of their children and grandchildren. Then they started to reminisce about Sean and their teenage adventures. When they started this Jack got up and head for the men's room.   
  
When he left Paul and Sammy apologized for intruding. Don assured them that Jack's mood had nothing to do with them.  
  
When Jack returned to the table the two men were gone. The waitress came by and he ordered another drink.   
  
"So tell me...Jack," Don said, using the name his son said he prefers to be called, "what happened in your life that made you such an angry man?"  
  
"Why do you care?" Jack replied curtly.  
  
Don shook his head and not hiding his frustration he tried to convince his son that he cared. "I know you think I cared more for Sean than I did for you, but your wrong. I loved both my boys equally. It's just that you never made it easy for a man to talk to you. Kind of like just now. Why did you have to be like that? They were Sean's best friends. There was no call for you to act that way."  
  
"They used Sean." Jack answered, without hiding his resentment. "They were like bloodsuckers; they thrived off his popularity."   
  
"I seem to recall that you clung to him quit a bit yourself." Don reminded him.  
  
"When the hell were you ever around to notice anything?" Jack said trying to keep his voice under control. "If you weren't at work you were down here where you didn't have to deal with any of us."   
  
"You mean with your mother, don't you?" Don always believed that Jack blamed him for how things turned out with his mother. "That's what this is all about, isn't it? You blame me for how she was."  
  
"I blame you for not getting her the help she needed," Jack told him bitterly.  
  
Don shook his head. "That's not true...Jack. I use to beg her to go to a doctor. She wouldn't go. She had an obsessive fear of being locked up. That's what she would accuse me of. She would say that I just wanted her to go to a to doctor so that they would lock her up in an insane asylum."   
  
"They wouldn't have done that. They had Lithium back then, they just would have put her on that and she would have been fine."   
  
"You think it would have been that easy, do you?" Don leaned forward, "I went and talked to doctors about her. Do you know what they wanted to do? They wanted to give her electric shock treatments."  
  
Don assumed the startled look on Jack's face was due to the fact that Don had tried to seek medical attention for his wife. "That's right. Did you ever see anyone get electric shock treatments?"  
  
Jack sat up and his spine stiffened. Don continued, "Well, I did. I saw them do it to one of my men when I was in the army. He had a breakdown in the field and some masochistic psychiatrist thought he could bring him out of it with electric shock."  
  
Don watched Jack's eyes glaze over. "I watched as they strap this poor helpless kid to a table so that he couldn't move his arms or legs. Then they glued wires all over him and shot volts of electricity through his body until he screamed out in pain. Then they would stop."  
  
Beads of perspiration formed on Jack's forehead as his father continued with his description of the procedure. "Yea, they stopped. They stopped long enough to recharge the machine and shock him all over again."  
  
Don continued with his story, as he heard Jack breathe rapidly. "That's what they wanted to do to your mother. I was not about to let them do that to her."   
  
Jack's mind was reliving his own experience with electric shock. He didn't realize that his father had stopped talking until he touched his hand and asked, "are you OK?"   
  
Jack pulled his hand away and wiped the sweat off the back of his neck and forehead, with a napkin. "I'm fine," he said. He then closed his eyes as he tried to slow down his pulse rate and get his breathing under control.   
  
He was just getting his bearings back when he heard his father say, in a defeated voice, "I'm sorry I wasn't able to be the kind of father that you are."  
  
"What do you mean by that?" he Jack asked nervously.   
  
"It's obvious you and Sydney are close," Don remarked. "If I had it to live all over again, I'd want to raise you the same way you raised your daughter. I would like just once for you to look at me without contempt for what I did to you, or should I say for what I didn't do?"   
  
All of a sudden Jack's head started to pound and he quietly told his father, "You don't know anything about my relationship with Sydney."  
  
"I know she loves and respects you." Then looking down and staring at the same table knot that Jack had been observing earlier, he said soulfully, "I know to have your child's love and respect is all that a man needs to know his life wasn't a waste."  
  
Just then the waitress came by and asked if they needed anything. "No, I had enough," Jack told her.   
  
Don stood up and asked, "You ready to go home?"  
  
Jack got up slowly and allowed his father to drive him home. On the way home he wondered if he had Sydney's love or respect. How could she love or respect him after all he had done to her and for all that he had failed to do for her? 


	13. Chapter 13

Sydney looked out the front window and watched as Don drove away. Sara walked over to her and told her not to worry, everything would be OK.  
  
Sydney sat on the couch and told her aunt that she really appreciated all that she had told her. "I don't think my father ever could have done it," she told her.  
  
Sydney felt that it was now time to find out about her grandmother. "Will you tell me how his mother died?" she asked.  
  
Sara sat in the easy chair, across from Sydney. "When Sean died, Rebecca stayed in her room until the funeral. We were so concerned about how she would hold up. We were sure that she would have a breakdown."  
  
"But, she didn't?" Sydney deduced.  
  
Sara shook her head and said, "No, just the opposite. She was extremely composed. She never cried.  
  
She even comforted Sean's friends. Everyone came back to the house after the burial and she was the perfect hostess. Sean would have been proud of her."  
  
Then recalling what her grandfather had told her, Sydney said, "But, my dad stayed away, all day?"  
  
"Yes, he did," Sara confirmed. "After most of the people had left, I sent my Alec to go and bring him home."  
  
"After the funeral," Sara continued, "Rebecca was a new woman. She was the way she was when she was young. She was energetic and happy." Sara paused after this description of Rebecca and then added, "But, there was one thing that wasn't right."  
  
Sydney waited patiently for her Aunt to tell what 'wasn't right'. "Whenever she mentioned Sean, she always spoke about him in the present tense. I think that in her mind, he wasn't dead. That was how she was able to function, for as long as she did."  
  
"And how long was that?" Sydney asked.  
  
"A little more than two months," Sara said, as she sat back in her chair and placed her arms on the armrests. "It was November 21, 1962. The day before Thanksgiving. Rebecca wanted to cook the Thanksgiving dinner that year. I had been to the grocery store, doing some last minute shopping.  
  
When I was done I went over to see if she needed help with anything."  
  
Sara again paused as she recalled the details of that day. Sydney waited anxiously for her to  
  
continued. "When I walked into the kitchen I saw her with her head on the table. It was only a few seconds before I saw the blood dripping onto the floor."  
  
Sara could tell that Sydney wasn't sure what happened. "She sliced her wrists."  
  
"Oh, no." Sydney cried out.  
  
"She died the next day," Sara said sadly.  
  
Sydney let out a soft gasp when she realized her grandmother had died on Thanksgiving Day. "No wonder Dad dreads holidays," she said and then asked, "What happened to send her over the edge?"  
  
Sara played with a frayed edge of her armrest. "In the mail that day, there was a letter from Sean."  
  
Then allowing some of her old anger to resurface, she said, "The Army never did give an explanation of what took two months for that letter to be delivered."  
  
Sara calmed down and continued. "The letter was sitting on the kitchen table, unopened. We figured it brought her back to reality. She had been slicing a ham. She used the knife to cut her wrists."  
  
Even though she could guess the answer to her next question, Sydney asked it anyway. "How did my dad handle all of that?"  
  
"Just like with Sean,he refused to go to the funeral. Only this time Don caught him and forced him to go." Sara shook her head slowly as she recalled the argument they had. "He gave him a lecture on responsibility and told him that he was not going to disgrace his mother's memory like he had with Sean."  
  
"So he went to the funeral?" Sydney asked.  
  
"He went. He sat though the service without giving even the hint of an emotion. After the burial everyone came back to the house for the reception. Johnny sat on the couch and wouldn't talk to anyone." Sara let out a little laugh. "That boy had an annoying habit of clamming up. If he didn't want to talk to you there was nothing you could do to make him."  
  
That was something Sydney knew all too well.  
  
"After everyone left, Johnny continued to sit on the couch." Sara shook her head as she recalled her frustration at how stubborn Jack had been as a child. "We knew what he was doing. He was not going to get up until his father told him he could."  
  
She also had her fair share of frustrating moments with her brother. "Don was just as stubborn as Johnny was. He insisted he never told him that he had to sit there, so why should he have to give his permission for him to get up? After about an hour I talked him into telling him that he could leave. Johnny went straight to his room and closed the door. After the funeral he never talked about Rebecca again."  
  
Carolyn, who had come into the room half way through the story said that what she remembered about her aunt's death was that Jack had said it was it was his fault. "It was strange, the look he had when he told us that. If you didn't know any better, you would have believed him."  
  
Sara checked her watch. It was almost eight o'clock. Don had been gone for almost two hours. Sara hoped that that was an indication that the two men were talking.  
  
Just then they heard the sound of a car door opening and closing. Sydney looked out the front window and saw her father and grandfather walking across the street to Sara's. She watched as they climbed the porch steps. One climbed slowly because of age and the other because of exhaustion.  
  
Sydney met them at the door. "Dad, are you OK?"  
  
"I'm fine," he said, as he sat down in the corner of the couch. 


	14. Chapter 14

"Johnny, are you hungry? We kept a plate for you." Sara told him.  
  
"No," he answered. "We have to go. Are you ready, Sydney?"  
  
Sydney told him that she had accepted Sara's invitation for them to spend the night. Jack tried to argue with her about why they couldn't stay, but he was too exhausted to put up much of a fight.  
  
Once it was determined that they were going to stay the night, Don started to leave. Before he left Jack said to Sydney, "Do you want to hear something funny?"  
  
"Maybe in the morning Dad, you need to get some rest."  
  
"He thinks I've been a good father to you. Isn't that funny?" Jack said, ignoring her comment. "Tell him Sydney. Tell him what kind of father I was to you."  
  
"Dad, don't do this." She pleaded with him.  
  
Jack sat back and slouched down in his seat. "Sydney, you don't have to lie. These people are your family. Family always knows your flaws. But you wouldn't know that, would you?"  
  
He turned his head to look at his father and said, "You see, Sydney grew up without a family. She didn't have an Aunt Sara to take care of her after her mother died. She didn't even have a father to tuck her in at night, or teach her to ride a bike, or go fishing, or..." Then he turned to Sydney and said, "Or what Sydney? I don't even know what a father does."  
  
Sydney had seen her father in a lot of different moods, but self pity was never one of them. She knew it was coming from more than just the fact that he had too much alcohol and not enough rest.  
  
"Dad, we had long trip, you should go lay down."  
  
Still slouched back on the couch, he said, "No, I didn't get a chance to visit with Aunt Sara."  
  
Then asked, "Did you have a nice visit with her?"  
  
Before Sydney had a chance to answer, Sara told him, "We can visit in the morning, before you leave."  
  
Don sat down on a straight back chair. He decided that maybe it would be best if he stayed awhile longer. Jack turned to him and asked, "You still babysitting me?"  
  
Don didn't answer.  
  
Then Jack saw the photo album sitting on the end table. He sat up and started to flip though the pages. "Did you tell her about everyone?" he asked his aunt.  
  
"I did," Sara told him.  
  
As he continued to flip though the pictures he asked her, "Did you tell her everything?"  
  
"We talked about a lot of things. I told her everything that was important for her to know," Sara answered him.  
  
Jack stopped at the last picture that was taken of the four Bristow's. Sean was in his Army uniform. It was taken the morning he shipped out.  
  
Without looking up from the album, he said, "You didn't tell her everything, did you?"  
  
"Whatever I left out, you can tell her in the morning," Sara told him. "No!" he yelled as he slammed the book shut. "I've kept secrets from her all of her life because I was too afraid to tell her the truth. You were suppose to do it for me." Then closing his eyes he said, "I've always been too much of coward to tell her the truth about anything."  
  
"Dad, you're not a coward. You're one of the bravest men I've ever known," Sydney said, as she sat on the couch next to him.  
  
"No, Sydney," he said, as he looked at her and slowly shook his head. "I am a coward. I've run from things all my life. I ran from you, didn't I? I ran from here. Before that I ran from Sean. I couldn't even go and help bury my own brother."  
  
Sydney noticed the rims of his eyes turning red as he quietly said, "I ran away from my mother when she needed me."  
  
Before he had a chance to say anything more Sara said sharply, "Johnny, stop this right now. You've had too much to drink and you're tired. You go to bed now and we can talk more in the morning."  
  
"No," he said as he sat up. "She has to know the truth, right now. You too, Dad. It's time you heard the truth, too."  
  
Don had no idea what truth they were talking about. He also wasn't sure he wanted to know.  
  
"Listen...Jack, you need to go to bed before you say something you'll regret for the next 25 years."  
  
"No," he said, as he stood up and started to pace the living room. "I'm sick of lies and cover-ups and deceit. It has to stop now."  
  
Sara walked over to him and placing her hand on his arm she told him, "Stop it right now. There's been enough talk for one day. You've got all day tomorrow to talk." It was obvious that she was trying to prevent him from saying something.  
  
Jack placed his hand on the side of her face and said, "Its OK, you kept my secret for long enough. You don't have to do it anymore."  
  
"Johnny, please. Do this in the morning." Sara pleading with him.  
  
"No," he said softly. "I have to do this now." With his hand still resting on Sara's face he looked at this father and said, "Aunt Sara didn't find her first. I did."  
  
It wasn't necessary to say who the 'her' was. Don knew immediately that he was talking about Rebecca. Jack sat down in the chair that Sara had been sitting in earlier. His breathing sped up as he watched a look of confusion appear on his father's face.  
  
Sydney walked over and sat on the ottoman that was in front of him. "Dad, are you sure you want to do this, now?" she said as she placed her hand on his knee.  
  
"Yes," he said, as he looked over at his father. Carolyn had moved over to Don and had her hands resting on his shoulders for support. She always knew there was something out of place in the story of her aunt's death.  
  
Jack swallowed the lump that has formed in his throat. He looked directly at his father and said, "I heard you talking once. You said that the doctors told you that if Mom was brought in an hour earlier they could have saved her."  
  
"That's right," Don confirmed for him.  
  
Sydney watched as the rims of Jack's eyes started to turn red again. He looked at his father and told him, "I found her an hour earlier. I came home from school and saw her. I ran out of the house to Aunt Sara's. But she wasn't home. I sat on the back porch and waited for her to come home."  
  
This was not what Don was expecting. He didn't understand why his son would do something like that.  
  
"Why didn't you call for help?"  
  
He started to give an excuse or was it an explanation? In the end, he didn't do either. Instead he sat back in his chair and said, "I don't know."  
  
"Wait a minute," Sara said, as she came and sat on the other half of the ottoman and said to Jack, "That's not the whole story. If want them to know everything, then you tell them everything!" 


	15. Chapter 15

Jack looked at her as though he was unsure of what she was saying. "You tell them why you ran out, or I'll do it for you," Sara told him.  
  
"Tell us Dad," Sydney said softly.  
  
Sydney watched her father as his memory went back forty-one years to recall events that he worked so hard to forget. He closed his eyes as he started to slowly recount the details of that day.  
  
School let out at 11:30 due to the Thanksgiving holiday. On his way home from school Jack ran into his cousins Carolyn and Neil. They were heading for the park to help put the finishing touches on the float that their school was entering into the Thanksgiving Day Parade. Carolyn tried to talk Jack into going with them, but as usual, he said no.  
  
He walked home alone. He wondered what would be waiting for him when he got there. Would his mother still be in the high sprits that she had been in for the last few weeks, or would her dark state return?  
  
His path home from school took him past Parker's Bar. He peeked into the window to see if his father was there. He saw him standing at the bar, talking and laughing with a group of men. Jack wondered what his father had to laugh about, considering how messed up their life was.  
  
When he arrived home, he entered the house through the front door. He immediately sensed that something was wrong, as the day's mail had been dropped in the middle of the living room floor. He took his jacket off and hung it up in the front closet. He then picked the mail up off the floor and placed it on the coffee table.  
  
He walked slowly through the living and dining room and toward the kitchen. He pushed the swinging door open slowly. He looked in the kitchen and saw his mother with her head down on the kitchen table. She looked as though she was resting.  
  
"Mom, he called out cautiously. "Are you ok?"  
  
She lifted her head when she heard him calling her. He was startled by the paleness of her face.  
  
He stepped closer. "Mom, what's wrong?"  
  
"Get away from me," she said quietly. He continued to approach her. As he did, she raised a knife that was in her hand. "I said get away from me."  
  
He stopped when he saw the knife and blood running down her arm. "Mom, your bleeding. What's wrong?"  
  
She answered him by once again ordering him to leave the room.  
  
Jack quickly realized what she had done. He rushed over to the phone that was hanging on the wall.  
  
He picked up the receiver and attempted to call for help.  
  
"What are you doing?" she yelled to him.  
  
"I'm calling the police. You need help. You have to get to the hospital," he told her.  
  
His back was turned to her as he dialed for the operator. Before the operator had a chance to answer Rebecca had rushed over to him and grabbed the phone out of his hand. She viciously slammed the receiver back onto the hook. "You're not calling anyone. They'll never lock me up. Do you understand? Now I told you to get the hell out of here!"  
  
"But Mom, you're sick. You need help," he said reaching for the phone again.  
  
She raised the knife and moved forward pinning him against the counter and blocking his access to the phone. "This is all your fault," she shouted at him. "I wasn't like this before you were born. It should have been you that died not my Sean."  
  
Jack screamed out in pain when she brought the knife down and it penetrated his upper arm.  
  
The last thing he heard as he ran through the front door was his mother yelling at him to get out, "And don't ever come back."  
  
What he didn't hear her say, as she sat back down at the table, was, "Please go before I hurt you anymore."  
  
"See, Sydney, I found her that hour earlier. If I would have called for help, she could be alive today. But instead I ran out on her. I left her alone, to bleed to death."  
  
Then he looked over at his father and waited for his reaction.  
  
Don said nothing. He never knew any of that. He thought the blood on the telephone meant that at one point Rebecca had considered calling for help. This revelation was making a lot of things more clear.  
  
Sara picked up the story where Jack left off. She told them that when she came home from shopping that day she found Jack sitting on the back porch shivering as he had no jacket on and the temperature was 45 degrees. He had blood all over his shirt. Her first thought was that he had gotten into to a fight.  
  
He told her that something was wrong with his mother and she needed to hurry over to help her.  
  
"That's how I came to find her," Sara told them.  
  
After Rebecca was taken away Sara returned to the house to take care of Jack. She found him still sitting on the back porch. "I think he was going into shock. I took him into the house to wash him up and that's when I saw the cut on his arm. I wanted to take him to the hospital, to have it taken care of, but he refused."  
  
"No Aunt Sara," young Jack told her. "If anyone finds out what she did, they'll lock her up. They can't lock her up. Please don't tell anyone." He kept pleading with her until she finally promised that she would never tell anyone that his mother stabbed him or that he found her first. It was a promise she would keep for the next 41 years.  
  
Tears welled up in Sydney's eyes as her father and then her aunt gave details of what happened.  
  
"Dad," she thought to herself, "no wonder trust comes so hard to you."  
  
This was the first time her father had ever shared anything so private with her. Once again she laid her hand on his knee and said, "Thank you Dad, for telling me."  
  
While talking to him, Sydney noticed that Jack was looking over at Don. He was waiting for a reaction from him. When Don didn't react, Sydney said to him, "Grandfather, are you alright?'  
  
Don looked at Sara and addressed his remarks to her. "I was just wondering why you thought you had the right to keep something like that from me?"  
  
"I promised him," Sara said, thinking that was all the explanation that he needed.  
  
Sydney noticed Don putting on the same icy demeanor that he had when he first encountered her father earlier in the day. "You made a promise to a twelve year old. I was his father. You had no right to keep something that important from me."  
  
"Don, please." Sara tried to reason with him, "He was scared for Rebecca. You know her fear of being locked up."  
  
"She was dead for god sake," he yelled at her. "She couldn't have been locked up, could she? And even if she had lived, the two of you didn't trust me enough to protect my wife?"  
  
Jack attempted to defend his aunt, "Don't blame this on her," he told his father.  
  
Barely controlling the anger and hurt that was building up in him, Don said, "Trust me, I don't blame her for all of it. You're just as much to blame as she is. You never trusted me with anything, did you?"  
  
Then standing up, Don told them, "Now I have something to tell the two of you. I talked to Rebecca before she died. Thanks to your cover up, I misunderstood what she was telling me. I always thought she was trying to say that she was sorry for killing herself, but I now understand what she was really trying to tell me."  
  
He tried to remain calm as he continued to describe the message his wife so desperately wanted him to deliver to their son. "What she said was, 'Tell Johnny I'm sorry. That I didn't mean it. That I love him.' She wasn't talking about being sorry for trying to kill herself. She wanted me to tell you that she was sorry for what she did to you."  
  
Don headed for the front door. Before leaving he turned to Jack and said, "But considering you didn't trust me enough to confide in me and your aunt fed into your insecurities, I was never able to relay the message to you, until now."  
  
"Wait," Sara said walking over to him. "Don't leave."  
  
"Let go of my arm," he told her as she grabbed a hold of him. "This conversation is over," he said as he walked out of the house. 


	16. Chapter 16

After Don left the house, Jack sat with his hands covering his face. He used the tips of his fingers to massaged the pounding that was erupting in his head. He looked up when Sydney laid her hand on his back. "I guess I screwed things up again," he said to her.  
  
"Dad, he just needs a chance to let everything sink in," she answered, trying to convince herself as well as her father.  
  
Jack looked over at Sara who was still watching out the front door. "I'm sorry," he said to her.  
  
"Oh, don't worry," she replied, trying to sound as though what happened was no big deal.  
  
"Everything will be better in the morning."  
  
"Aunt Sara's famous last words, 'everything will be better in the morning,'" Jack said to Sydney.  
  
"Well it's true," Sara said, again putting on an air that what just happened didn't concern her.  
  
"Ok," Jack said. "We'll talk again in the morning." With that he said goodnight and finally went to bed.  
  
After Jack went to bed Carolyn also said goodnight. She had to be at her shop at six o'clock in the morning. She would be gone by the time Sydney and Jack got up. Sydney promised that they would come by the shop to say good-bye. She also thanked her for inviting them over today.  
  
When Sydney and Sara were alone, Sara asked her if she felt she was wrong for not telling Don the truth about what had happened.  
  
"Aunt Sara, my father has spent a lifetime manipulating people into covering up for him. "I understand why you did what you did," Sydney told her.  
  
Sara and Sydney sat up and talked. Sara shared more stories of the Bristow family. She even found a few stories that weren't depressing.  
  
Without completely lying to her Sydney tried to explain what life was like growing up with her father. She told her aunt that after they lost her mother her father withdrew from a lot of things, including her. It wasn't until they started working together that she developed any kind of a relationship with him.  
  
After talking for a while longer Sara realized that jet lag and the events of the day were wearing on Sydney, also. Sara gave her the choice of sleeping on the couch or in the twin bed that was in the room with her father. Sydney chose the bed. She was wakened at 2 AM when she heard her father get up and dash for the bathroom. She lay awake, waiting for him to return. 


	17. Chapter 17

Jack was gone for about fifteen minutes. When he returned Sydney turned on the bedside lamp. She leaned on her elbow and asked if he was feeling all right and if she could get him anything to eat.  
  
He sat on the side of her bed and assured her that he was fine, but having something to eat was probably not a good idea at the moment. Then he apologized for how he acted earlier. "I'm sorry I lost control," he told her.  
  
"Dad, you're entitled to lose control, once in awhile. You are human, just like the rest of us," she reminded him.  
  
Then leaning forward, with his arms resting on his legs, he said, "I didn't mean to hurt him like that."  
  
"Dad, I don't think you did anything that can't be fixed. I agree with Aunt Sara, we can work things out in the morning," she told him.  
  
When Jack smiled at her, Sydney asked him what he was smiling about.  
  
"You're sanguinity has always reminded me of Sean. No matter how bad things got, he always found something good to say."  
  
"You really admired him, didn't you?"  
  
"I did," he confirmed for her. "He was my hero long before he won a medal. I wish you could have known him."  
  
"So do I," she said with sincerity.  
  
Sydney sat up and leaned against the headboard of the bed, as she listened to Jack share memories of Sean. It wasn't so much what he was talking about that held her attention as it was the way in which he spoke of his brother. She never encountered anyone that her father held in such high esteem. She wondered how much of it was memories of a lonely man who missed his brother and how much of it was fact.  
  
"When he came back from Nam, he was going to take me to Cape Canaveral, so we could watch one the rockets blast off."  
  
"Aunt Sara told me you wanted to be an astronaut."  
  
Jack blushed slightly with embarrassment. "Yea, there was a time when I wanted to be the first man on the moon."  
  
As they continued to talk she found out that Jack has never been to Florida to see a blast off, but he has seen the space shuttle land at Edwards Air Force Base, a few times. "You can see the shuttle approaching from miles away. It's such a beautiful sight." Then hesitantly, he asked her, "Would you like to go there some time?"  
  
"With you?" she asked.  
  
He shrugged his shoulders in a yes jester and said, "I know the base commander. We can get right down onto the landing strip."  
  
She smiled and told him that she would very much like to do that with him one day.  
  
Jack looked around the dimly lit room and told Sydney that except for the shade of blue on the wall and the covers on the bed, the room hadn't changed in the last 40 years.  
  
Sydney knew that Jack was recalling painful memories, but she also knew that he wanted to talk to her, so she encouraged him to continue. He told her about being brought over during the middle of the night when his mother 'wasn't feeling good.'  
  
"I always felt safe here, except..."  
  
When he didn't finish, Sydney finished for him, "Except you would have preferred being in your own bed, with your own family?"  
  
"Yes," he said and then added, "Sydney, I'm sorry." He knew that she was able to finish his thought because she experienced the same loneliness herself.  
  
"Dad, don't," This wasn't about making him feel any more guilt about how he lived his life.  
  
He didn't stop. He had to try and apologize to her, yet again. "I don't know why you don't hate me, Sydney. I hated my childhood, but I subjected you to the same isolation. The only difference is that the people who took me in, were family."  
  
"Dad, that's all the in past. The only thing I care about is our relationship now and in the future. I don't want to lose you again," she said to him.  
  
He laid his hand on her leg and told her, "I promise Sydney, you won't ever lose me."  
  
Then he thought about what his father had said earlier, when they were at the bar, "I know to have your child's love and respect is all that a man needs to know his life wasn't a waste."  
  
Hesitantly, he asked her, "Sydney, do you respect me?"  
  
"Of course I do, you're the best agent I've ever meet." Then she started to list all the things he's done, as an agent, that she respected and admired about him.  
  
He was glad that she respected his work but that wasn't the respect that he was looking for. He started to ask her if she respected him as a person, but decided against it. Of course she would say yes, but he would never be sure she meant it or if she was just being polite.  
  
"Thank you," he replied when she was done listing his CIA attributes. Then he told her, "It's late, we should get back to sleep."  
  
"Dad," she said leaning forward and taking his right hand in both of hers, I also respect you as a person. I know you're an honorable man and I know all that you do to protect me." Squeezing his hand she said, "I think about what you tired to do for Danny and me. I know that if you would have succeeded, that you would be dead today."  
  
Squeezing her hands in return, he told her, "Sydney, all I've ever wanted is for you to be safe and happy."  
  
"I know Dad, and I love and respect you for that."  
  
"Thank you, you don't know what it means for me to hear you say that." He pulled his hand away and looking away from her, he said, "I don't deserve it, but thank you."  
  
Sydney laid back and yawned, "Dad, you have to stop that. You act as though you're not entitled to be happy..."  
  
He interrupted her before she had a chance to say anything else, "It's late," he told her. "You should go back to sleep."  
  
She really was tired, so she slid down in the bed. As she did Jack smoothed out her covers and tucked the bottom of the sheet under the mattress. "Goodnight," he told her.  
  
As she drifted off to sleep, she mumbled good night back to him. 


	18. Chapter 18

Jack rolled over and looked at the clock that was on the bedside table. He blinked a few times as he attempted to focus. It couldn't be ten o'clock. That would mean that he'd been sleeping for over ten hours. It's been years since he slept for more than five or six hours in one night.  
  
He sat up and noticed a glass of orange juice and a bottle of aspirin, sitting by the clock. He took three of the aspirin and drank the juice. Whenever her husband had too much to drink Sara always had aspirin and juice waiting for him when he woke up. She said that she didn't mind if he suffered from the consequences of a hangover, she just didn't want to deal with it first thing in the morning.  
  
After finishing the juice he got up to take a shower. His emotions were touched when he saw a freshly pressed shirt and pair of pants laid across his suitcase. He couldn't remember the last time anyone did little thoughtful things like that for him.  
  
A half hour later he was shaved, showered and dressed. He entered the kitchen and greeted Sydney and Sara with a good morning. He thanked them for the aspirin and fresh clothes.  
  
Sydney told him that she hoped he didn't mind that she changed their three o'clock flight, back to Los Angeles, to six o'clock. He told her that he didn't mind. She also confirmed for him that she called the office and informed them of the change in plans. They balked a little bit, but she took care of things.  
  
While Jack and Sydney were talking, Sara poured him a cup of coffee and told him to sit at the table while she made breakfast. Jack walked over to the stove and told her that she didn't have to wait on him; as he was perfectly capable of making his own breakfast. They argued back and forth for a few minutes until Sara hit her cane against the counter and said, "Damn it, I told you to go sit down."  
  
"Ok," Jack said, startled by Sara's outburst.  
  
"Now, how do you want your eggs?" she snapped at him as he walked to the table.  
  
"Scrambled will be fine," he answered her.  
  
While Jack sat down at the table and Sara was making breakfast Sydney worked to suppress a laugh.  
  
"What are you laughing at?" Jack demanded to know.  
  
"Nothing," she told him, innocently. "I was just thinking about Marshall."  
  
"Flinkman?" he asked.  
  
"Mmm," she replied, still trying to suppress a laugh.  
  
"What could possibly make you think about him?" he inquired.  
  
"I was just wondering if he would be half as terrified of you if he saw how Aunt Sara orders you around," she told him.  
  
"Flinkman isn't terrified of me," Jack replied, with a mischievous grin.  
  
"Oh yes he is and you know it. I also suspect that you enjoy making him nervous."  
  
Jack conceded that she was right, but told her, "It keeps him on his toes. And besides, if you didn't stop him, he'd never shut up." Then he told her about the time he tied to tell him about the mating habits of the hummingbird. "Why would he think I'd have any interest in the mating habits of hummingbirds?"  
  
Sydney laughed and told him that he should have watched the video that Marshall had. If nothing else, the photography was astounding.  
  
They stopped talking about Marshall and hummingbirds when Sara set a breakfast plate in front of Jack.  
  
Jack asked Sara to sit down so he could talk to her about how he behaved the previous day. He apologized for walking out the way that he did and for coming back in the condition he was in. He also thanked her for welcoming Sydney into her home. Finally and penitently, he apologized for the rift he created with her and Don.  
  
Sara told him that Don was at the VFW having coffee. That's where he went every morning. She asked him, if before he left, would he please go over and talk to his father. She wanted him to try and repair their relationship, before it was too late.  
  
Jack promised that he would, for whatever good it would do.  
  
After Jack was done with his breakfast Sara tried to force him to have more to eat. He kept refusing, but finally said there was one thing that he might have. "Did I smell cinnamon when I came in yesterday?"  
  
"You did." Sara confirmed for him.  
  
"Was it part of a cobbler, by any chance?" he asked.  
  
"It was," she confirmed again.  
  
"Is there any left?"  
  
Sara got up and headed for the refrigerator to get the apple cobbler that she had made for desert the night before. She chose the cobbler as it was always Jack's favorite. "How would you like it, warm or cold?"  
  
"Warm, please," he told her.  
  
While Sara was heating up the cobbler Sydney told him that Carolyn's daughter had stopped by earlier. "She's getting married in a few weeks and she invited us to her wedding. I told her we would try very hard to make it," Sydney informed him.  
  
Jack told her that he thought they would be awfully busy in the next few weeks and he didn't think they could make it.  
  
Sydney recognized that statement as just an excuse to avoid meeting people from his past. She wouldn't argue with him, in front of Sara, but she resolved to do all in her power to get him back here for the wedding.  
  
Sara laid a generous slice of the cobbler in front of Jack. She also brought a smaller piece for Sydney. Sydney tired to protest that she had already had a piece the night before. Sara returned her protest with a lecture on how skinny she was. Before Sydney knew it she was taking a bite of the freshly warmed cobbler.  
  
Now it was Jack's turn to point out to Sydney that winning an argument with Sara was not an easy feat.  
  
Sydney reached into the pocket of her shirt and pulled out a piece of paper. She told Jack that Sara had given her the recipe for the cobbler.  
  
When Sara saw Sydney pull out the recipe she attempted to grab the paper before Jack could get it. Unfortunately for her, Jack snatched it out of Sydney's hand before Sara could reach it.  
  
Holding it just out of Sara's reach, he told Sydney, "You should feel special to have this. It's a secret family recipe, you know."  
  
He then sat back in his chair and unfolded the paper, without actually looking at it. He watched as Sara hovered over him. He knew that she was waiting for a chance to take the paper from him.  
  
Jack continued talking to Sydney, who was quite amused to realize that her father was teasing his aunt. "Your mother was one of the privileged few to have a copy of this, but she never got it right. She always claimed that Aunt Sara left something out of the recipe."  
  
Then turning to Sara, he told her, "I told her you won't do that."  
  
Sounding defensive, and maybe a little guilty, Sara told him, "If she was having problems all she had to do was call. Now you give that back to Sydney."  
  
Then sternly, she reminded Sydney that she told her to put the recipe in a safe place so that it didn't fall into the wrong hands.  
  
While Sara was lecturing Sydney Jack glanced at the recipe as he handed it back to her.  
  
Sydney asked him if the recipe was the same as one that her mother had.  
  
"Yep," he told her. Then he added, "Except, I don't remember the cream cheese on our recipe."  
  
The ringing of the phone saved Sara. As she walked over to answer it she told Jack she gave them a complete recipe. "Your getting old Johnny. The memory is the first to go. It was there, you just don't remember."  
  
Sydney smiled at the banter that just occurred between her father and aunt. She never witnessed her father in such a playful mood.  
  
The mood became somber when Sara called to Jack. "It's your father, he wants to talk to you."  
  
Jack was apprehensive as he walked to the phone. Sydney was anxious to find out what her grandfather was calling for. She prayed that he was taking the first step to repair the damage, from the night before. It was hard to judge the content of the phone conversation as Jack's part consisted of one yes and three all right's.  
  
Jack hung up the phone and told the two women that his father was coming over as he had something to give him. 


	19. Chapter 19

Jack sat down and drummed his fingers on the tabletop. As quickly as he sat down he got up and started to pace the room. "I think I'll wait for him out here," he said, motioning to the living room where he went and resumed his pacing.  
  
While Sara finished cleaning up the breakfast dishes she told Sydney to go and keep her father company.  
  
"Dad, you OK?" Sydney asked, as she joined him in the living room.  
  
He told her that he was fine. He was feeling foolish for acting like a nervous child.  
  
They sat down on the couch and looked through the photo album, again. Sydney told Jack that she wished she could have inherited his curly hair. He assured her that having those many curls was a burden. "I don't know what was worse, being teased by the girls who thought they were cute or the boys that thought they made me look like sissy. Not to mention the horrors of grooming it."  
  
Twenty minutes after Don called Sara escorted him into the living room where awkward greetings were exchanged.  
  
Sydney said that she would leave the two men alone so that they could talk in private. Don insisted that there was no reason for her or Sara to leave. The truth was that he was nervous about what he was about to do. He felt that if Jack was going to have a negative reaction, to what he came to say, than he would be much more controlled if there were others in the room.  
  
Jack and Sydney sat back on the couch and Sara sat in a chair. Don remained standing. As they waited for him to speak they noticed a flat black case in his hand as well as an old-time airmail enveloped.  
  
Once everyone was seated Don took a deep breath and addressed his son. "Jon, I have something here that belongs to you. I was suppose to give it to you years ago, but... well..." It was obvious that Don was unsure of how to say what he came to say. He had to backtrack.  
  
"You remember that letter we got from Sean, on that day?" He didn't have to say what day he was referring too as everyone knew it was the day that Rebecca cut her wrists. Don had never shared the contents of the letter with anyone, except Rebecca. He read it to her on her deathbed.  
  
He was now prepared to share it with his granddaughter, sister and most importantly, with his son. He had read the letter an infinite number of times, over the years. He had every word of it memorized. Due to Sean's hand injuries, the letter was written by one of the nurses.  
  
Don informed his family that Sean expressed fear and concern about what was happening in Viet Nam. He told them about the sniper attack. He downplayed the importance of what he did to bring it to an end and the seriousness of his injuries.  
  
He talked about his mother's premonition, regarding his safety. He said he understood what she meant. He wanted them to know that in case he didn't make it home that he loved them very much.  
  
It was the last part of the letter that Don was on edge about. His fear was that he hadn't seen his son in twenty-five years and now he was about to try and rectify a mistake that could send him away, forever.  
  
Don sat in a chair, across from Jack, as he continued to reveal the letter's contents. "He told us that he was nominated for a medal because of what he had done during the sniper attack. He said that if he didn't make home, that he wanted you to have it. He thought that maybe I could give it to you when you left for the Academy or for college, if that was what you decided to do."  
  
This was the part that Don was most concerned about. He told Jack, "I never gave it to you because he put a little loophole in his instructions. He said I could give it to you then, or whenever I felt you were able to understand what it meant."  
  
Don paused and looked at Jack. As usual, he was unable to read his son's emotion. He continued, "I'm sorry Jon, I guess I abused that last part. I always planned to give it to you when you went to the Academy, but... well, I was angry at you for not going."  
  
Don looked down at the items in his hands. Jack's silent stare was making him nervous. "I thought I was justified for not giving it to you because he said to give it to you when you understood what it meant. I thought that someone who turned his back on serving his country and then got involved in protests against his country, that that person was not capable of understanding what Sean sacrificed."  
  
Looking up at Jack, Don said, "I was wrong, Jon. I should have given it to you when you left for college. It wasn't my place to judge the decisions you made for your life."  
  
Don stood up and handed Jack the box and envelope he had brought with him.  
  
Jack's hand shook as he reached up and accepted the items. He was startled to see the envelope was addressed to him.  
  
Another mystery was solved. Whenever Sean sent his parents a letter, he always sent a separate one for Jack. Jack always wondered why he never got a last letter, like his parents did. He assumed that things were going bad and Sean didn't have time to bother with telling a child what it was like to fish or water ski on the Mekong River.  
  
Jack laid the box down on the coffee table. He opened the envelope and read the letter.  
  
Dear Johnny,  
  
If you're reading this, it means that I didn't come home from Viet Nam. I hurt my hands the other day so I can't write this letter by myself. I wish you could see the beautiful nurse that is writing it for me. Her name is Carmen. She's as beautiful and exotic as her name. She promised to take me dancing tonight. (I did not-c).  
  
General Roush came by yesterday and said I was going to get a medal because of something that happened, in our camp. I'm sure you'll hear about it, so I won't go into it now. I told Dad that if I don't come home, that he should save this letter and the medal and give it to you when you're grown- up and you could understand what it means.  
  
They say I'm entitled to a medal because of my bravery. Between you, Carmen, and me what I did had nothing to do with bravery. What I did was out of shear, undeniable, fear. I knew that the artillery tent would blow up if the fire got to it and we'd all be killed.  
  
If medals are given to men who perform brave deeds, then you deserve it more than I do. You're the bravest person I've ever known. You amaze me the way you endured the things that you endured, without complaint. The way you watch out for Mom, no matter what she does to you. The way you strive to make Dad proud of you, even though he never notices.  
  
I don't know how you do it day after day. I never could. But, you knew that, didn't you?  
  
I want to explain to you why I left, so that when you think about me, you won't hate me. I left because they were suffocating me, Johnny. I couldn't take it anymore. Mom was constantly clinging to me and Dad had expectations for me that I could never achieve. I thought I would go crazy if I stayed there. So I ran at the first opportunity that came by.  
  
I heard you crying, the night before I left. I wanted to come and talk to you, but I didn't know what to say. You see, I always felt guilty about abandoning you, even though I knew you would understood why I had to go. Thank you, for letting me go.  
  
They're calling for the mail, so I have to finish this fast. There are so many other things I want to tell you, but there's no time. Maybe you'll never see this letter and I can tell you when I get home.  
  
In case I don't make it home, my wish for you is that you make it to the moon someday, and on the way, that you find someone who will love you the way you deserve to be loved.  
  
Then in a barely legible script, he signed the letter with his injured hands.  
  
While Jack was reading the letter, Sydney sat back on the couch. Although she desperately wanted to know what the letter said, she didn't want to do anything to invade her father's privacy.  
  
If he wanted her to see the letter then he would share it with her. Her hope was that they were developing a relationship for which he would share such an intimate moment. Her fear was that they would never have such a relationship.  
  
When Jack finished reading the letter he closed his eyes. He was on the verge of doing what he hadn't done since the night before Sean left and the night his wife died.  
  
When Don realized that Jack was done reading, he nervously asked him, "Are you angry with me?"  
  
Jack shook his head and said, "I'm not angry." He looked up at Don and said, "I'm tried of being angry. You were right to not to give this to me, before. I wouldn't have appreciated what it meant."  
  
Looking back down at the letter, he added, "Besides, I didn't need it back then, but I need it now. Thank you."  
  
Then he turned to Sydney and offered her the letter. "Are you sure you want me to read this?" she asked him.  
  
"I'm sure."  
  
While Sydney was reading the letter, Jack opened the black box that contained Sean's Medal of Honor. This was the first time he had taken a close look at it. He remembered his father showing it to anyone who came over, but Jack never had an interest in it.  
  
When he was child the Medal represented the death of both his brother and mother. Forty years later it was a connection to his past. A connection that he realized he did not want to lose, again.  
  
Unlike Jack, Sydney saw no reason to hold back her tears, as she read the letter. "This is beautiful, Dad," she told him.  
  
Then he showed her the Medal. "It's magnificent," she said as she took the case from him and examined it.  
  
Jack shared the letter with Sara and Don. When Don got to the part where Sean explained why he left, he looked up at Jack, who had been watching him. "I guess, I drove both my boys away," he said, as he handed the letter back to Jack.  
  
Then he stood up and said, "I should be going. It was good to see you again, Jon. Maybe you could call once in awhile?"  
  
Jack stood up when Don did. He was sorry that he was hurt by what he read. As Jack struggled to think of the appropriate thing to say, Sydney spoke up. "Grandfather, could you wait, just one minute?"  
  
Then to Jack she said, "Dad, could I see you in the kitchen?"  
  
Before Jack had a chance to protest, Sydney grabbed his hand and led him to the other room. 


	20. Chapter 20

"What is it Sydney?" He asked, already suspecting what she wanted.  
  
"Dad, tell them."  
  
"Tell them what, Sydney?"  
  
"You know what. Tell them who you are."  
  
"They already know who I am."  
  
"You know what I mean." She said, annoyed at the word game he was playing with her.  
  
"Sydney, you know the rules as well as I do. We cannot tell them because there is no need for them to know."  
  
She shook her head in disbelief at his stubbornness. "You've spent your whole life lying and deceiving people. You honestly can't see that there is a need for them to know, can you?".  
  
"Sydney, I don't want to debate the issue with you. We cannot go around telling people what we do simply because it will make them or you feel good."  
  
"Why not?" She asked struggling to keep her voice low. "You know what I think? I think you're not telling them because you want to punish Grandfather."  
  
"That's ridiculous," he answered.  
  
"Is it?" she asked, as she proceeded to list her points. "Let's think about this. He wasn't there for you when you were growing up. Then all of a sudden he's paying attention to you because of your decision to go to West Pointe. Then he turns on you because you didn't go. You figure that if he didn't accept your decision blindly, then why should you give him the satisfaction of knowing what you've accomplished."  
  
"Sydney, your theory makes no sense. If he knew why I turned down the appointment then chances are he would be proud of that."  
  
"Chances are?" she said, surprised at his choice of words. "You think there would only be a 'chance' that he'd be proud of what you've accomplished?"  
  
Jack was starting to lose his patience's, "Sydney, I don't appreciate your psychoanalyzing my choice of words."  
  
Ignoring his comment, she continued with her argument, "I know what the problem is, now. You're afraid. Afraid that he still won't think of you the same way he did Sean. Is that it Dad? Are you afraid that if you tell him, he'll still compare you to your brother and you'll still come in a distant second."  
  
Sydney saw Jack's facial expressions harden. She realized that she was right. He was afraid of being hurt, if his father didn't react with the right accolades.  
  
She tried to soften things up, "Dad, they're your family. I'm not asking you to reveal national security secrets. Just tell them that you work for the government. You owe them that much."  
  
Jack quickly went on the defensive. "I don't know why you think it's important that I tell them. If I recall right, you found it perfectly acceptable to keep your recruitment a secret, from me."  
  
Her response came out harsher than she intended. "Gee Dad, at least I had an excuse. You see, it was hard for me to remember that we were family."  
  
Sydney regretted her words as soon as they came out. As she reached out to touch him and tell him she was sorry, he pulled back. Then he turned and walked away.  
  
"Where are you going?" she called to him.  
  
He didn't answer as he walked out the backdoor. She ran to the door, "Dad, don't do this."  
  
Her plea went unanswered.  
  
As she stood alone in the kitchen, she experienced two emotions. She felt both anger and sympathy. Anger at the fact that he chose to walk away rather than confront his emotional issues and sympathy as she realized that walking away is how he confronts his emotional issues.  
  
In the end she let him go and she returned back to the living room. 


	21. Chapter 21

"Sydney what's wrong?" Sara asked, alarmed at the fact that Sydney was returning by herself her. "Where's your father?"  
  
Sydney gave a weak smile and told her, "He went for another walk."  
  
Sara walked over and placing her hand on Sydney's arm, she asked, "What happened, dear?"  
  
"Aunt Sara, please don't ask," she told her. She couldn't tell her the truth and she refused to lie to her.  
  
"Alright Sydney, but I want you to know that if you ever want to talk, I'm here." Sara told her as she gave her a hug.  
  
That seemed to be all that Sydney needed to hear. Before she knew what was happening she was walking around the room, letting out a tirade about her father. "It's just that my father has a problem with sharing certain things. You would think that after all these years I could accept that fact, without getting up set."  
  
The more she spoke, the more animated she became with her arms. "But then these last two days I thought that maybe, just maybe, he would start to be more open, or at least not so closed up."  
  
Then she turned around and started to point out that once again she was wrong about him. She wasn't able to finish her thought because Jack appeared in the doorway.  
  
Everyone's attention turned to him as he spoke to Sydney. "Sydney, you were right. They deserve to know. I'll tell them, but I need your help."  
  
Sydney walked over to Jack and weaving her arm around his, she said, "I'll help you. 


	22. Chapter 22

Before starting his explanation, Jack invited everyone to sit down. Sara and Don sat back in the chairs that they were sitting in earlier. Sydney and Jack sat back on the couch.  
  
"Before I tell you, what I have to say, I need your word that this conversation won't go beyond the people in this room." Jack told his father and aunt.  
  
They both promised that they wouldn't tell anyone. Sara promised that she would not tell any of her children and Don promised that he would not tell anyone at the VFW, no matter how much he might want to.  
  
Jack leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees and clenching his hands together. Sydney saw his knuckles turn white. She laid her hand on his, as an encouragement to start.  
  
"My daughter has convinced me that I need to tell you something that I should have told you along time ago." With his attention focused on his father, Jack said, "When I made the decision to go to West Pointe, I had every intention of going. When I received word that I had been accepted, it was the first time in my life that I had hope for a future. I remember how you treated me, after I got accepted. It felt so good to finally do something that you noticed."  
  
Don looked down. He realized a long time ago that his non-existent relationship, with his only remaining child, was due to his own failures.  
  
Jack had paused in his explanation. Sara said to him, "Tell us, Johnny. What happened to change your mind?"  
  
Don looked up in anticipation of Jack's answer. "After I received notice, that I was accepted, I was approached by some people. They said that they had seen my test scores and that I had scored exceptionally high in certain areas. As a result, they felt that my talents would be put to better use somewhere besides the Army."  
  
"At first I turned them down, but they kept pursuing me." He looked at Sydney for confirmation, when he said, "they're a very persuasive organization. They made the whole thing sound exciting, important, and necessary. I'm not sure when it happened, but before I knew it I had said yes."  
  
Jack again looked at Sydney for support. She told him, "It's ok, Dad."  
  
He turned back to his father and said, "I was recruited by the CIA."  
  
Sara let a gasp, to show her surprise. Don's eyes opened wide. That was not what he was expecting to hear.  
  
"My first assignment was to turn down the appointment to West Pointe, without telling anyone why." Still focused on Don, he said, "I succeed in that assignment, beyond their expectations."  
  
Jack felt relief that after all these years he could now tell his father what he wanted to tell him since the day it happened. "Dad, I joined the SLM as part of an assignment. I was on an operation when I was arrested."  
  
Jack watched Don for his reaction. Don's reaction was what Jack had feared. This was not good enough to please his father.  
  
Sydney thought she would help. "Dad's a highly decorated agent, Grandfather. The agency depends on him, tremendously."  
  
Jack realized what Sydney was doing. "Sydney, it's OK."  
  
"Grandfather, don't you have anything to say?"  
  
"What am I suppose to say Sydney? First he hides his altercation with his mother and then this. He was only seventeen. He wasn't old enough to make life changing decisions, like that, without consulting me." Then turning to Jack he asked, "Was I really that bad, Jon, that you couldn't trust me with something that important?"  
  
Jack tried to defend his decision by saying, "They told me not to tell anyone."  
  
"Bullshit!" Don yelled. "At some point you could have told them that you couldn't make a decision like that without talking to your father, first."  
  
Turning to Sydney, he said, "You see Sydney, the problem was never that I didn't talk to your father, the problem was that he didn't think I was worth talking to."  
  
Turning to Jack, but still addressing his remarks to Sydney, Don continued, "I noticed your father and what he did, but he was ashamed of me because he was so damn smart and I was nothing but a night watchman who barely made it through high school."  
  
"I wasn't ashamed of you," Jack said, surprised that his father would think a thing like that.  
  
"No? Then tell me why you never told me about the State Science Fair that you won? Or how you rearranged Bill Sawyer's Five and Dime and increased his sales by twenty five percent. Or that you fixed that beat up old clunker of old Mrs. Wagner, when no else could. Or how you spent weeks in the garage, building that damn radio. That still works, by the way."  
  
Jack never realized that his father knew all of that. He wasn't hiding any of it, he tried to explain, "I didn't keep those things from you because I didn't think you would understand, I didn't tell you about them because I didn't think you would care."  
  
Sydney had spent the last two days listening to her father and grandfather blamed each other for the shortcomings of their relationship. She now realized that the truth was that they were both guilty. "Oh, you two are really something else!" she exclaimed.  
  
Addressing Don, she said, "You think my father doesn't value your opinion? You couldn't be more wrong."  
  
"Sydney, stop." Jack said to her. He didn't need for her to defend him to anyone.  
  
"I will not." She told him.  
  
She continued to address her grandfather. "My father has confronted some of the world's most powerful and evil men, without flinching a muscle, but he comes here and faces you and he stutters when he talks, his hands shake, he struggles to keep his composure. You think a man like that doesn't value your opinion of him?"  
  
"Sydney, stop that right now. I don't need you to defend me." Jack scolded her.  
  
"Oh please Dad, you're no better than he is when it comes to communicating."  
  
Sydney pointed out to her father. "Grandfather's right, you know. You should have told him about the CIA, along time ago. You pretend that you didn't because of some false sense of loyalty to the Agency, but the truth is, you didn't because you were afraid that you might fail and you couldn't take the chance of anyone knowing that you weren't perfect."  
  
She turned back to Don and told him, "My Dad has accomplished a lot in his life and it's really too bad that it's not good enough for you."  
  
Don told Sydney to slow down in her judgment of him, "You're wrong if you think I'm not proud of your father."  
  
Then turning to Jack, he said, "I always knew you would be a success at whatever you set out to do. You could have decided to be a trash collector and I wouldn't have cared. All I ever wanted was for you to tell me what was on your mind."  
  
It wasn't easy for Don to express his emotions, but he realized that this was the only chance he would ever have, so he continued as best he could. "You kept so many things locked inside of you and I just didn't how to unlock them. That was the difference between you and Sean. You think I paid more attention to Sean because I loved him more than I loved you? You're wrong. I had a different relationship with Sean because..., well because with Sean you never had to guess what he was thinking or what he wanted out of life. He came right out and told anyone that would listen to him. I celebrated Sean's successes because he shared them with me. I didn't do that with you because you hid yours from me. I thought you didn't want me to be a part of your life."  
  
"Oh my gosh," Sydney started to yell, "Twenty-five years wasted because neither of you could say what you really felt. And look who paid the price! Me. I could have had a family if the two of you could have just sat down and had this conversation twenty-five years ago. I hope the two of you are ashamed of yourselves."  
  
"That girl of yours is sure full of spunk." Don said, surprised by Sydney's outburst.  
  
Jack smiled and said, "Yea she is. That's what makes her such a good agent. " Jack said, as he informed his father and aunt that Sydney works with him at the CIA.  
  
"Kind of a family affair," Sara said.  
  
"Something like that," Jack replied.  
  
"Wait, does that mean that Laura was an agent, also?" Don asked, recalling his last altercation with his daughter-in-law.  
  
Jack's expression changed quickly. He got up and walked away.  
  
"What is it?" Don asked, confused. Had he once again said something insulting about Laura? He looked at Sydney to determine what he may have done wrong.  
  
"My mother wasn't CIA, she was KGB." Sydney told him. 


	23. Chapter 23

Don turned to Jack for confirmation that what Sydney was saying was correct.  
  
Jack told him, "It's true."  
  
It was obvious that Don was thinking about his visit to California, when he accused his daughter-in-law of spying. Jack answered him, before he could even ask the question, "Yes, you caught her."  
  
"So you knew what she was up to?" Don asked.  
  
Jack looked away, ashamed about the answer. Sydney answered for him. "No, Grandfather. My mother was deceiving my father. He had no idea that she was using him."  
  
"That bitch," Sara called out. "I knew there was something about her that wasn't right." She looked at Sydney and said, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't talk about the dead, like that."  
  
Sydney just smiled politely and said she wasn't offended.  
  
Jack went a step further and said, "You don't have to worry, she's not dead. The car accident was a set up for her extraction."  
  
Sydney was both surprised and pleased that Jack was opening up to his family and telling them all about her mother and their relationship.  
  
Although he left out the classified details, he told them about Project Christmas. He also told them what she was probably doing; the night Don caught her spying.  
  
Again, leaving out the details, he told them about Irina being in CIA custody and about her subsequent escape. He told them they were in Maryland not because they were returning from a vacation, but because they were in London following up on a lead regarding Irina's whereabouts. It was his and Sydney's goal to capture her and return her to CIA custody.  
  
After Jack was finished telling them about Irina, Sara asked, "If we were right about her, I don't understand why you stayed away?"  
  
His answer was to shake his head and say, "I don't know. There were so many times when I thought about coming back here. I even called a few times, but I hung up before anyone answered."  
  
"But why?" she asked him. "You needed us. Why didn't you come home?"  
  
"I don't know," he repeated, with a shrug of his shoulders.  
  
"I do," Sydney said.  
  
To Sydney, the answer was obvious. "All of his life my father has been betrayed and abandoned by the people who were suppose to love him. First by his mother, because of her illness. And you Grandfather, you were suppose to protect him, but you didn't. You knew he was being abused, but it was easier for you to just turn your back on the whole thing."  
  
Sydney saw the hurt in her grandfather's eyes and told him, "I'm sorry Grandfather, I don't mean to hurt you."  
  
He told her told her that she wasn't saying anything that he didn't already know.  
  
Sydney continued, with her answer. "Then there was Sean. In a way, he hurt him worse than anyone. Dad depended on him. Sean was the one person who he thought would always be there for him. But, Sean left him alone. He promised he would come back, but he didn't."  
  
Sydney got up and stood next to Jack. Holding onto his arm, she continued, "Then came my mother. He opened up to her. He trusted her. As angry as I am with her, I believe that she truly did love my father. I know that he loved her. When he found out the truth about her, it was one more slap in his face. It was another person telling him that he wasn't worth loving."  
  
Sydney squeezed Jack's arm as she said, "You see, he never called because he believed he wasn't worth loving. He couldn't chance returning home and being rejected."  
  
Then turning to Jack and speaking directly to him, she said, "I now know why he stayed away from me. You see, he loved me so much that he feared my betrayal, also. If I ever betrayed him, the way everyone else had, it would destroy him."  
  
Laying her hand against Jack's cheek, she said, "But Dad, you know that I won't ever betray your trust or abandon you, don't you?"  
  
"I know." he said as he hugged her harder than he had ever hugged her before.  
  
When Jack let go of Sydney he saw that Don had left the house. He was halfway across the street when Jack caught up to him. Sydney stood at the front door, prepared to join them, if necessary. Sara came over to her and told her to come back inside the house. "You opened the door for them Sydney, they have to do the rest on their own."  
  
Reluctantly she stepped away. 


	24. Chapter 24

When Jack caught up to his father he asked him if he would mind taking a walk with him. They didn't plan on it, but they ended up at the creek where Jack and Sean spent hours fishing.  
  
It wasn't an easy conversation, for either of them. There were a lot of things that went unsaid. Even with the unspoken words a bonding that never existed before was taking place.  
  
Oddly enough, the cornerstone of their conversation centered around their wives.  
  
Don said that he had something to confess, about his feelings for his wife. "I know your mother had her problems, but I miss her. That sounds strange doesn't it? Even at my age I dream of having her in bed with me. I miss talking to her. I miss holding her."  
  
Jack told his father that he didn't find it strange that he missed his wife.  
  
By the tone in his voice Don concluded that Jack probably missed his wife also. When he asked him if he did, he really wasn't surprised at the answer he was given.  
  
"I love her, Dad." Jack looked at his father to see if he would disapprove of what he just said. He was glad that he saw no signs of disapproval.  
  
Then it was Jack's turn to make a confession, regarding his relationship with his wife. "You know how you dream about being with Mom, just one more time."  
  
"Yes." Don answered.  
  
"I had that 'one more time' with Irina. I don't regret it."  
  
Don laid his hand on Jack's shoulder and told him that he was glad for him.  
  
They sat quietly for a few minutes. Each lost in their own thoughts. Then Jack checked his watch and saw that time was running out. He had to leave soon, to catch the plane back to LA.  
  
On the walk back to the house the two men were able to recall some loving moments with Rebecca.  
  
Don told him that Rebecca didn't like being the way she was. She was aware of what she was doing and she really tried to control it. "I guess maybe I should have forced her to go the doctor." Don said.  
  
Jack told him that he shouldn't second-guess his decision. It could have been worse. He wouldn't have wanted his mother to be institutionalized or subjected to shock treatments.  
  
Jack recalled that although there were many nights when she attacked him physically and verbally, there were some nights when she came into his room and laid down with him. She would tell him that she loved him. He likes to believe that the woman who held him on those nights was his real mother.  
  
When they arrived back at the house, Sydney had already packed the car. Sara had insisted on packing some sandwiches.  
  
She cried when Jack hugged her good-bye. He promised that he would call her often and that he would come back for her granddaughter's wedding, if he could.  
  
After saying good-bye to Sara, Jack turned to say good-bye to his father. He offered him his hand. Don was barely able to hold back his tears as they shook hands and said good-bye. Just as he did with his aunt, Jack promised that that he would call often.  
  
Before he left there was something Jack really wanted his father to know. It was hard for him to use the words love and respect so still holding firm to their handshake and recalling the conversation they had at the bar, Jack told his father, "Dad, I want you to know that your life was never a waste."  
  
Swallowing the lump in his throat, Don was barely able to say, "Thank you." He knew exactly what Jack meant by those words.  
  
Their time together was up. Sydney and Jack got in the car and headed to the airport. Sydney thanked Jack for taking her home and sharing the memories of his past with her.  
  
He once again tried to tell her how sorry he was about keeping her away from her family. Sydney made him promise that he would never again apologize for that.  
  
Jack said that the best he could do is to promise to try. 


	25. Epilogue

A/N - I want to thank everyone who read this story. I hope you enjoyed it. I have a special thank you for everyone who left a review. They were very kind. I hope you all have a wonder, safe and prosperous 2004.  
  
Epilogue  
  
A month after returning from Maryland, Jack left for Bangkok. He was following up on lead regarding the whereabouts of Arvin Sloan. At the same time, Sydney headed to Kazakhstan to follow up on a lead regarding Irina. Although there was evidence that their prey had been in both countries, they were both unsuccessful in finalizing their mission.  
  
Jack and Sydney both abandoned their search, so that they could returned to the United States and attend Carolyn's daughter's wedding. They arrived the morning of the wedding. Jack originally rejected his father's invitation to stay at his home, but he changed his mind based on Sydney's prodding.  
  
The two men were dressed and ready to leave for the ceremony. Don sat down and started to read the paper, while they waited for Sydney. Jack paced the floor and continuously called up the stairs and asked Sydney what was taking her so long.  
  
Don told him that the more he called for her, the longer it was going to take for her to get ready. Reluctantly, Jack sat down and joined his father in reading the paper. After two minutes he stood up to call for her again. He sat back down, when he he heard her walking down the stairs.  
  
They stood up and smiled when Sydney entered the room. She was wearing a soft violet chiffon dress, with off the shoulder sleeves. "I'm ready," she said. Neither man moved.  
  
"What is it?" she asked, checking her dress to make sure everything was in place.  
  
"I see trouble ahead." Don said.  
  
"Why?" Sydney asked.  
  
"Well," Don said, pretending to be in deep thought, "I'm not really good with protocol, but if I'm not mistaken, the bride is suppose to be he center of attention at her wedding, not one of her guests."  
  
"Oh Grandfather, stop that." Sydney said, blushing.  
  
"I'm afraid he's right, Sydney." Jack said, agreeing with his fathers observation.  
  
Still blushing, Sydney said, "Come on you two, we're going to be late."  
  
Jack asked her if she had a wrap, as it was getting cool outside. She told them that she did not, as she forgot to pack her shawl.  
  
Don excused himself and said he would be right back. He went to the basement and returned carrying a sealed garment bag.  
  
"I know this is really old, but your grandmother always wore it when we went to anything fancy." Don said, handing Sydney the bag that he brought up from the basement.  
  
Sydney unsealed the garment bag and found a beautiful white brocade shawl. She told her grandfather that she would love to wear it, for the evening. She promised that she would have it cleaned and resealed for him.  
  
Don told her that she could keep, if she wanted. She kissed him and asked him to help her put it on. While he was helping her, she told him that she would love to keep it.  
  
At the wedding reception it was clear that Don and Jack's prediction was correct. Sydney did steal center stage from the bride. She managed to dance almost every dance, with a different dance partner. She danced with both of Sara's son's as well as her grandson's. She had a hard time remembering who her other partners were. They all claimed to be relatives or longtime family friends. She even danced with her grandfather.  
  
In between dances she kept an eye out for her father. She wanted to make sure he was handling the event and the crowd, without any problems. At first Jack sat next to Don and made no attempt to socialize. As the evening wore on he became more relaxed. Sydney was able to relax and enjoy the festivities once she saw her father walking around and visiting with people who he clearly had known from his past.  
  
Shortly after the bride and groom left, the band announce that they were going to play their final song. Sydney was sitting with a cousin and her husband, when Jack walked up to her and said, "Do you think you can handle one more dance?"  
  
Sydney cocked her head as if to say she didn't understand his question. He held his hand out to her and asked, "would you care to dance?"  
  
She looked down at his hand and for a splint second she wasn't sure what he wanted. She quickly realized what was happening. She turned to the couple she had been talking to and said, "would you excuse me, please." She took her father's hand and allowed him to guide her to the dance floor.  
  
Jack held her right hand in his left. He placed his other arm around her waist. After a few steps on the dance floor, he called out to her, "Sydney! You're trying to lead."  
  
She realized that she was leading, but it was only because she wasn't sure if Jack knew how to dance. Everything was going so smoothly; she just didn't want the evening to end badly because of a poorly executed dance.  
  
"Just relax," he said. "I promise I won't step on your toes."  
  
"Ok," she answered as she allowed him to take over. It wasn't long before she realized he was a very capable dancer. "Dad," she asked, "where did you learn to dance like this?"  
  
He didn't answer her immediately. Instead, he wrapped his arm more securely around her waist and held her hand a little tighter. When he did answer her, he simply said, "your mother."  
  
"Oh," was her reply. A short time later she asked, "Dad, do you miss her?"  
  
He answered her by holding her a little closer to him. Sydney laid her head against his shoulder and quietly said, "so do I."  
  
Soon the song and the reception was over. Although they planned on spending two days in Maryland, they left the next day as there was a sure lead on Irina's current location.  
  
Don and Sara were disappointed to see them leave so quickly, but they were glad that Jack was keeping his word and was calling them at least once a week.  
  
Two months after the wedding, Jack was in his office. Sydney entered and closed the door behind her. He turned off the computer file that he viewing. By the look on her face and the way she closed the door, it was clear that she was there to deliver bad news.  
  
"Carolyn called." she said. "They noticed that Grandfather didn't go for coffee this morning, so they went over and checked on him. He died in his sleep."  
  
Jack pulled in few favors. He had his mother's body exhumed. He had her remains cremated with his father's. He then received special permission to have his parent's ashes buried in Sean's grave.  
  
Jack originally wanted a private service, but the men at the VFW asked if hey could attend, and he said yes.  
  
Jack was surprised to see the amount of people who attended the service. The men from the VFW serviced as Color Guards. They were also allowed to administer the 21-gun salute.  
  
Jack wasn't surprised to see Michael Vaughn, accompanying Sydney to the funeral. He was, however, surprised that Ben Devlin attended the service as well as the current Director of the CIA, from Washington, DC.  
  
The men from the VFW recognized the CIA Director. They wondered why he was there and why he seemed to know Jack Bristow so well.  
  
Jack made sure that he personally thanked everyone for attending the service. The guests included Paul Faust and Sammy Acker, the two men who had approached him and his father at the bar, the night he first returned home. Jack offered the men his hand and an apology. He said he would understand if they didn't want to shake his hand. They shook it without hesitation. They told him that they shouldn't have intruded and that they understood that coming home can be hard.  
  
After the ceremony, Jack returned to Los Angles. When he entered his apartment, he noticed that someone had slid a white sheet of paper under his door. It was a handwritten note. The note read, 'Sorry for your loss.' It was signed with the letter I. Jack read the note and said, to himself, "Damn it Irina, where the hell are you." He then placed the note in his private safe.  
  
The next morning he was awaken by a phone call from Vaughn. "Have you heard from Sydney?" he asked.  
  
"No," he said as he sat up quickly. He knew that Vaughn and Sydney were together. Why was he asking him, where she was?  
  
Vaughn told him, "I woke up this morning and she was gone."  
  
The End!  
  
A/N - This story was written after the end of season 2 and before the beginning of season 3. I ended it here because that is the last thing we were shown. At the time, we did not know that Sydney was killed in a house fire, following her fight with Allison. 


End file.
